Think about It "Re-Post"

I’m re-posting a post that I made over 10 years ago that created a lot of buzz in the comment area. I think it’s one of my most controversial posts because of the extensive questions I asked. It was a way to get people thinking, and I did ask to comment on it with thoughts or reactions. I also shared a couple of the most interesting comments people wrote to me along with a comment I made.

I called this post “Think about It” because I'm going to ask a bunch of real-life questions and I just want people to ponder for a moment. Something that I wonder is what you would do if you were in my situation. Everyone deals with situations and handles things differently. For those of you who have not gone through this ordeal, how would you react to all of the sudden waking up and finding out you were paralyzed? What sort of things would go through your mind? How would you handle it? I know it's hard to imagine unless you are actually in that situation, although try to put yourself there.

For those of you who have gone through a situation like mine, I ask some similar questions. This time they would be in the form of how you felt when you learned you were paralyzed. What were your reactions? How did you handle it since first hearing of what happened?

Now I want you to imagine a different scenario. What if you knew you were going to become paralyzed before it happened? Again, how would you handle the news? More interestingly how would you prepare? What things would you do before it happened? I asked these questions because I knew someone who had a tumor on his spinal cord. In order to remove it, it would paralyze him.

It is a very different situation. In my case I just woke up and found out. I didn't get a chance to prepare or figure out what things I would do beforehand. Then again, I don't know which would be better. It's a lot to think about and imagine.

Anonymous said...

It really is an impossible thing to imagine. I can't even begin to comprehend all the little things I take for granted that being paralyzed would prevent. As an example, I have a bad lower back. Every once in a while, I'll tweak it in such a way that it's not just painful but it literally limits my ability to do simple things, like stand up normally, pick something up, walk (without a slow hobble) etc. It goes away in maybe a week, gradually getting better after a few days. But every now and then while it's hurt, I'll kind of forget that it's hurt and go to do something "normal" and ARGH!?! At that point I realize something I've taken for granted.

Matt said…

I think we can think as long and hard about this as we like, but we won't know how it would affect us unless it actually happens. Personally, having a spinal cord injury has not exactly been one of my greatest fears, as it probably won't happen and has never happened to anyone I know, but it has been one of the things I imagined would distress me the most; besides the loss of independence (assuming it was as at as high a level as yours).

I would certainly be making preparations, such as adapting my home or looking for a suitable alternative; if I could afford to, I'd be making sure I did things I wanted to do and went places I wanted to go while I still could, and meeting old friends and family that I hadn't seen in a while. I do love walking in the hills, and I would make sure I did plenty of that, and not just looking at them from the car window!

Below I posted my response to these comments…

Definitely true about people taking for granted what they have. That's one reason I did this post. If it hadn't happened to me, I don't think I could imagine what it would be like or how I would deal with it. I had a hard enough time figuring that out when it happened. I'd love to read more comments on what people's thoughts are again. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Jenni

Happiness and Joy

It’s a fact that we all want to be happy. Although happiness is a spectrum-not an absolute. While some factors that affect happiness are out of our control (genetics being one of them), there are always actions we can take to amp up our good vibes. There is a science behind our happiness levels, why they fluctuate and what we can do to boost them.

Below I’ve created a list of some things I love along with enjoy doing that help bring joy and happiness to my life:

1. Volunteering- I really enjoy helping others and by doing so I also help myself feel better.

2. Shopping- even if I don’t necessarily need anything, allowing myself to indulge in even the smallest of purchases is a good way to destress and enhance my mood.

3. Creating something artistic- whether it’s painting or making cards, I enjoy bringing out my creative side and then showcasing my work afterwards.

4. Writing- this is a way for me to let my mind go and my thoughts flow freely.

5. Trying something new- I feel more likely to maintain positive memories than negative by participating in new activities. I also end up collecting unique experiences.

6. Spending time with my dog-this is a foolproof way to boost my happiness, alleviate loneliness and bring me joy.

7. Going outside- I am happiest in nature and there’s plenty of it where I live. Whether it’s taking my dog for a walk or just sitting in the sun on my patio.

8. Laugh- they say laughter is the best medicine, and in many ways that’s true. It’s something I incorporate in my life on a day-to-day basis.

9. Take a power nap- every day I take time to take a 30-minute nap. I feel it helps boost my happiness and gives me more energy throughout the day.

10. I’m very optimistic- I believe having a positive outlook on life makes me happier and healthier.

11. Spend time with friends and family- having people around me and spending time with them gives me comfort and joy. It can also make me happier when needed.

12. Listen to music-throwing on some tunes like my favorite songs or some smooth jazz really puts me in a good mood.

13. Meditate- this helps me rewire my brain while calming down my environment.

14. Go on my computer- I use a speech recognition software which allows me to be independent. This is how I write, browse the Internet, and communicate with others.

Of course, this list is not complete. It's only just a few of the things that I enjoy doing and bring happiness and joy to my life.

Jenni

Check out my other blog post: Happiness with an SCI

Strength from Within

Accepting change is one of the most difficult things to do. As far as myself since becoming a vent dependent quadriplegic, I still struggle with not being able to manage my own cares and have control of my body. I have nurses 24/7, along with constant interruption and lack of independence. Because this is part of how things are, my life’s goal is to try to succeed in different ways.

Learning to live differently from how I used to has been a challenge, but not impossible. Throughout the years I’ve realized that it’s not just about being able to survive, it’s about thriving as well. I know it’s hard for many people going through tough situations to believe that despite the struggles that go on there are positives as well.

Either from others in similar situations or from people around, I’ve learned that you can’t always manage what happens in life. Despite it you can decide what you do with your life afterwards. Incredible change occurs when you decide to take control of the power you do have instead of craving control over what you don’t. In past experiences, just going through the motions isn’t always enough. Sometimes it takes a little strength from within to boost up your life.
Jenni

"This is the time I will be stronger, braver, kinder and unstoppable. This year I will be fierce. With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts… Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be."

Experiences Throughout Life

"We are the sum of experiences that we encounter as we go through life. Day to day struggles and triumphs are experienced by all of the world's creatures. As human beings, when we encounter a challenge, we have freedom to choose how to react. Every decision that we make leads us down a different road. We will never come to exactly the same crossroads. Every decision that we make has significance. The tiniest choice that we make reverberates throughout the entire universe."

https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poems/life/

This quote fits directly in with the way my life has unfolded because after my accident I had to choose how to react. How was I going to live the rest my life? Was I going to live with regret, sadness and pain? Or was I going to choose happiness and allow myself to get through this challenge? While recovering, I chose the latter because I wanted my life to mean something, never knowing what it would be like on the other side.

I now know that I chose the right path, although there are many more roads yet to be traveled. Each day comes with new thoughts and strengths that allow me to move forward. I have realized that by overcoming the obstacles I thought I couldn’t do, comes each new experience in my life. Even when it feels like things aren’t going the way I planned.

People often tell me that I’ve made an impact on them or that I’ve inspired them in some way. I feel like I’m just being me. Maybe it’s because of the decisions I chose, the path that I took or the positive way I react to my situation. I have given motivational speeches to many students, events and crowds sharing my story. By trying to show others that life can go on despite the experiences we go through in life.

Jenni

Letting Go and Moving on

Life is all about change, no matter how much we want things to stay the same. I learned this throughout my experiences after my accident. However, as much as I didn’t want things to be different, I had to realize that sometimes change is okay and in order to accept it I had move on. I found there is an important difference between giving up and letting go.

Some of us, if not all of us has their own painful experiences throughout life. Many of us like to hang onto these things, often bringing them up in ways that are hard to handle. What we don’t know is that by hanging onto those things or experiences can destroy your life in ways you’re not even aware of. It’s best that you let go of them and move on, even though it may be hard to let go of someone you love or something you value. It might even be a situation that dramatically changed your life.

One way on how is to stop worrying about what you have to lose and start focusing on what you have to gain. Decide that no matter what is happening in your life to be happy; not because everything is perfect but because you deserve it. It’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken but maybe it’s about starting something over and creating something better.

Jenni

 

 “Moving on doesn’t mean you forget about things. It just means you had to accept what happened and continue living…” -Anonymous

Feelings Written, Feelings Heard

Sometimes I find myself drifting away, staring at the wall, thinking of things that I know I have no control over and that I cannot change. It's difficult to be in a situation where you're so vulnerable to others and in which your privacy is gone; where the only place that feels safe and comfortable is inside yourself. At times I feel like letting go and giving up everything to the unbearable grasp that is holding me down. Then again I have to remind myself that things happen for a reason and that you either live life or leave it. I choose to live and that is what keeps me together. My struggle with the feelings I have cannot continue to bind me anymore than it already has. I want to be as strong as possible and not look back because doing so puts me at a crossroad in which I do not know where to turn. It pains me to feel this way and to let others know the side that hurts most; the side that may need help; the side that struggles to keep it together. These feelings are not often shared even to the closest of people in my life. Why I choose to write them now will never be known even by me. I know that I will find peace. I'm a very strong person and I also know that I'm helping others just by being me. I'm only human and I hope that these words only bring you closer to understanding some of the things I go through. The quote below has helped me tremendously to deal with the overflow of emotions that creep up from time to time. I hope it resonates with you.

Jenni

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greatest achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!"
-Christian D. Larson

Happiness with a SCI

Ever wonder why some people are happier than others? Do you think to yourself how someone could live their life with content given their circumstances? Have you ever noticed someone in a worse off situation that's happier than you? It's a common misconception that the more money or power or beauty or fame you have makes you a happier person. In fact, studies have shown that there isn't a strong correlation between these things and happiness. I believe it's all in how you look at things, how you view life and the things around you, and what you value most.

People often tell me that I "look so happy" and that I am a very "positive person" given my circumstances. I usually just smile and say thank you, because I really don't know what else to say to that. Some people actually seem shocked that I even give them a smile back. Yes, my situation is challenging. I'm a C-1 C-2 quadriplegic on a ventilator paralyzed from the neck down and require 24/7 nursing to do almost everything for me. When you word it that way it does sound a little depressing. But despite all of this, I do live my life to the fullest and I'm proud to say that I am a "happy and positive person."

What kind of life would I be living if I went around being mad all the time for what happened to me? How do you think I would feel inside if I spent my days dwelling on the past instead of looking at the present and future? If I kept spinning questions around in my head like why me? What did I do to deserve this? Who would do such a thing? Why would anyone want to put this on another? Or if I were to question my own judgment by going through the scenario of that night and asking all the what if's. What if I had decided to stay home that night? What if I hadn't gotten in the car? What if I had chosen to sit in a different seat? To me, it seems so silly and pointless to ask these questions, given that it doesn't do any good and I never get any answers; the only thing it does do is make me go crazy inside.

Of course, I know that there are many people out there in similar situations who have not accepted what's happened to them and do question things constantly. They wonder why they made the choices they did or how this could happen to them. To those people I say good luck in finding the answers and let me know if you do. In my mind, it is a waste of time to be mad or question choices made in life.

I choose happiness because I want my life to be worth something; I want meaning and purpose in my life. I want to be able to live with what happened to me and not die with regret, unforgiveness, frustration, bitterness, or anger.

Jenni

I Wonder…

I know what it's like for me because I live it every day, but I wonder what it's like for other quadriplegics in my situation and if they do the same things I do. I wonder if they do range of motion and how often. I wonder how many times a day they change position. I wonder how long they can be up in their wheelchair. I wonder if they have occupational, physical, or massage therapy. I wonder what type of technologies they have to be independent. I wonder how they get around to different appointments and stores. I wonder if they get adequate staffing to assist them. I wonder if they are accepting of their situation. I wonder what they say to themselves in times of struggle. I wonder how much they are like me.

Jenni

Stress Journal-#68

For my stress management class we have to pick 20 journals to write over the course of the semester. We had to buy a stress journal that has different prompts, questions and scenarios for us to write about. Here is one of the journals I chose and my response.

#68-A Traumatic Experience

"Into our lives a little rain must fall, but it seems that once or twice it becomes a devastating flood, and we subsequently get pulled under and washed away in the currents. Broken bones, the death of a close friend or loved one, and child abuse are just a handful of life's many tragedies. "Tragedy," it is said, "keeps a person humble." It can also leave physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual scars that may take a lifetime to heal. Times like these are often referred to as "the dark nights of the soul."

Reaction may vary, but immediately after experiencing a tragedy, people sometimes talk nervously. This is one of the initial manifestations of grief. This stage is often followed by withdrawal and eventually by a slow reemergence into society. These types of experiences from years ago can affect our outlook and behavior on several issues, often without our knowledge. If you have been spared a personal tragedy, consider yourself lucky. If you have experienced an event of this nature and wish to recount it here, feel free to do so. How did you feel, and how do you feel now?"

Eight and half years ago I was in a tragic car accident. I broke my neck and injured my spinal cord, leaving me paralyzed and vent dependent. In the beginning, it was extremely hard for me to deal with the fact that I'm probably going to be paralyzed for the rest of my life. I kept thinking "how could this happen, why me, what do I do now?" As time went on it got a little bit easier to accept, although I was still in a state of shock. I believe my feelings back then were normal.

I don't think I've ever really been able to grieve about my losses. If I start to think about it, somehow it always seems to get pushed back down in my head. You know how some people are able to just let it all out when a family member dies or something tragic happens. Well, that's really hard for me to do; showing my emotions means being vulnerable, and for some reason I can't do it very often. Which I know isn't really good for you because it's better if one can share their feelings and talk about them. That's one of the core ways people do grieve.

My accident has definitely changed my outlook on life. I feel very fortunate to be alive and don't take anything for granted. I value my life and my things more and try to do good for others. It seems that my accident has had a profound effect on me, good and bad. Yes, it has left emotional and physical scars on me. I am reminded every day of the tragedy that happened when I look at myself. However, I believe I'm a better person today because of it and have learned a lot over the past years. I've also met some wonderful and amazing people with whom I never would've met if this hadn't happened to me. Overall, although there have been some bumps in the road and challenges to overcome, I am still here and trying and that's all that matters.

Jenni

Much Appreciation

I appreciate everyone's support and help throughout my journey and the rough times. I know things will be okay and that everything I am going through now is just another bump in the road. There are smoother paths to come. It's not often that I share feelings with others; especially if they're deep and are affecting the way I go about my day. Sometimes I treat this blog as sort of a diary. It's not always easy to talk to someone face-to-face but it's definitely easy to talk to a computer screen. As long as I don't think about the fact that tons of people are reading my writing, I can get out a lot which is good for me. Not sure that it's always something others want to read but it's a helpful tool for me to get things off my mind. I know occasionally I help others as well who are going through similar situations with my honesty.

Thanks for reading.

Jenni

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."
-- Christopher Reeve

Yeah, It's Hard

I have trouble sometimes dealing with this whole situation. There are times where all I do is direct and tell people what to do. In fact that's my life. I didn't sign up to be a manager of others starting at 16 years old. Sometimes trying my best doesn't seem good enough to me. I think I'm my own worst critic.

You know how there are those days when you wake up in the morning and you just don't feel like getting out of bed. Maybe you have a long day ahead of you, or your tired, maybe you're being lazy, or you stayed up late the night before, or maybe you just don't want to face the day. Whatever the case may be, the sheer determination just isn't there.

It's very difficult for someone like me to choose to get out of bed every morning. If I wanted to, I could just say the heck with it. Why get out of bed into my wheelchair, wheel out into the other room, and do the same things that I could have done sitting in bed in my room? It doesn't always seem worth it. Especially now that the wheelchair I'm in is extremely uncomfortable. It takes a lot for me to say yes when my nurse asks me if I'm ready to get up.

One thing I think about is the fact that there are many people who can't get out of bed, who don't have that choice. This is something that motivates me to say yes; I would definitely struggle more with not having the option of getting up at all. No matter how challenging my situation is, I still manage to live every day to the fullest.

Jenni

"This Too Shall Pass"

It's been an extremely busy past six weeks. My online class has required all of my time and energy. I've been stressed to the max and I'm glad that all I have left is my final exam, which I can either take the 15th or 16th. Then I will be able to relax and enjoy the next six weeks before I start with fall semester.

I'm still waiting to hear about getting a new wheelchair. Right now they are trying to get a loaner power wheelchair with a sip and puff attached for me to trial. Along with the stress of my class, I've been dealing with the loss of independence. I'm still in a manual wheelchair right now that I'm renting. Not being in a power wheelchair and able to drive it myself has also taken a toll on me. I feel myself getting more depressed each day and not wanting to do anything. It's hard to go anywhere anyways in this situation. None of my equipment that I have to bring out with me when I go places fits on this chair like it used to on the other one. My vent is literally hanging on one of the handlebars and my tubes are tied to the other one. The suction machine, oxygen tank, and emergency bag have to be carried by someone else. Along with someone pushing me, that's a lot to deal with.

Hopefully "this too shall pass."

Jenni

Questions and Control

Are you cold? Do you want a blanket? Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat? Are you thirsty? Do you want some water? Are you comfortable? Do you have any pain? These are just some of the many questions that I get asked by my nurses on a day-to-day basis.

Sometimes I feel like they don't trust that I'll say if I feel or need something, but I know that they're just doing their job; trying to make me happy and as comfortable as possible. It does get annoying though to constantly be asked questions all day. It also makes me feel like I'm not in control. Almost like I'm giving something up by answering yes or no instead of asking myself.

Maybe that sounds strange but one of the reasons is because I rely so heavily on others to do things for me, that I try to hold on to every bit of control possible. By directing my cares, telling people what I want done, when I want it and how to do it makes me feel some sort of peace in knowing that I am the one running the ship. That people aren't just doing stuff to me or for me without me asking first.

I know all of these feelings are completely normal, especially for someone who's lost so much. I try to make sure that I'm not being offensive when telling someone that I'll let them know when I need something. They are just doing what they are here to do, and that is work for me.

Jenni

Being Alone

I have 24/7 nursing care because of my trach and ventilator. If my injury was any lower, I wouldn't have nurses. Sometimes I'm glad that I'm on the ventilator so that I can have nurses to do all the care that comes along with being a quadriplegic. I don't think I would be as healthy or come as far as I have without nurses. On the downside, I'm never alone. This is one thing that I struggle with. Even if I'm alone in my room, there is always someone within hearing distance of me in case something happens. Sometimes I get frustrated with always having someone by my side, constantly talking and doing stuff for me. It is hard to always think of the positive side to having nurses and people around me. I would never want to not have nurses just for the sake of being alone in the chance that my tubes were to pop off and I wouldn't be able to breathe and put them back together. It's just a feeling that I wanted to share.

Jenni

Think about It

I called this post Think about It because I'm going to ask a bunch of real-life questions and I just want people to ponder for a moment. Something that I wonder is what you would do if you were in my situation. Everyone deals with situations and handles things differently. For those of you who have not gone through this ordeal, how would you react to all of the sudden waking up and finding out you were paralyzed? What sort of things would go through your mind? How would you handle it? I know it's hard to imagine unless you're actually in that situation, but try to put yourself there.

Now I want you to imagine a different scenario. What if you knew you were going to become paralyzed before it happened? Again, how would you handle the news? How would you prepare? What things would you do before it happened? I brought this up because there is someone out there who knows they are going to become a quadriplegic on a vent but doesn't know when. It is a very different situation. In my case I just woke up and found out. I didn't get a chance to prepare or figure out what things I needed before hand. Then again I don't know which would be better. It's a lot to think about and imagine.

Don't feel obligated to share your thoughts. This was just to get people thinking. If you'd like to, you can leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say. Also, feel free to comment if you have gone through one of these situations.

Jenni

Things You Don't Think About

Being paralyzed is difficult. Many people don't realize or think about some of the things that I go through on a daily basis. I struggle with not being able to do things for myself. Even simple, little things like not being able to feed myself, brush my hair, or wash my face become more complicated and daunting tasks just because someone else is doing for me. It is exhausting for me to sit in my wheelchair all day and not be able to just get up and do the things that I want to do. Unless someone is or has been paralyzed, there is no true way that they will ever know what it is like. However, I do encourage many people to try to experience as best they can what it is like not to be able to move.

I encourage all of you reading to take five minutes out of your day. My challenge to you is to sit still for those entire five minutes. That means no scratching itches, moving the hair out of your face, repositioning for comfort etc. After you have completed this challenge, whether you finished successfully or failed miserably, I want you to think about what it would be like not being able to move for the rest of the day, week, month, year or even for the rest of your life. Think about having other people (i.e. caregivers, your family, spouse) do everything for you.

I have proposed this idea before, but I'm not sure if anyone tried it. This time I want to hear feedback. I want to know what you thought about not being able to move for just five minutes, let alone for the rest of your life. I'm not saying that I'm not going to be able to move for the rest of my life. I'm just proposing the idea for others to think about what people with disabilities (especially those with paralysis) go through on a day-to-day basis.

Jenni

Time

It is hard to believe that it has already been 6 1/2 years (yesterday) since my accident. Time goes by fast. I have learned so much in such a short time. I know that it is a miracle that I am even alive. The fact that I am shows how much fight, power and strength that I have. I know that a long road lies ahead of me but I am here for a reason and nothing can stop me from achieving my goals.

I was thinking about the post I did the other day about my thoughts. I know that people are interested in reading about the actual daily struggle that goes on with being a quadraplegic. I am definitely willing to share more about some of the physical and emotional struggles that I go through. Another thing I thought would be interesting would be to get other quadriplegics' perspectives. If you are a quad or know someone who is and would like to participate in letting others hear your story and thoughts you can e-mail them to me at jtic20@gmail.com and I may incorporate them into a post. You can also e-mail me if you have any questions that you would like me to answer in a post. Remember, I am very open.

Jenni

"Time is too slow for those who wait
too swift for those who fear
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love, time is eternity.
Hours fly, flowers die,
new days, new ways pass by,
Love stays."
-Henry Van Dyke

Thoughts

I don't always express myself when I'm having a tough time dealing with this situation. Most of the time I put a smile on my face and bottle my feelings inside. Today I decided to write how I really feel and treat my blog kind of like a diary.

Being a quadriplegic is a full-time job. Sometimes it is difficult being me. It's not like I feel like giving up or anything like that it's just that I am tired and exhausted and bored and need some mental stimulation in my life. My psychologist told me that I am grieving and realizing my losses. What she means by losses is the fact that I don't have the stamina or ability to do a lot of the things that I used to do. It is hard not to be able to go out with my friends on the weekend and do what normal 22-year-olds are doing these days. I feel like I'm on the sideline or in the background watching people do things I wish I could be doing. I am very bored doing the same routine day in and day out without much variety. I'm hoping to volunteer this summer and also to join some sort of support or activity group in order to keep myself busy.

I am definitely a routine person and I have my own schedule and I like things certain ways. I guess you could say I am anal or OCD. It is hard having someone take care of me 24/7 and doing just about everything for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm being too demanding or picky towards people because they're the ones doing things for me. I know my nurses get frustrated sometimes. I guess I have to look at it a different way. If they were doing something to themselves they would have a certain way of doing it except they don't really notice that. I feel like I don't have much independence and that I'm always being watched or shadowed. It's tough but I'm not going to let it interfere with my daily life or consume me.

A lot of people ask me "how do you do it?" or "how do you stay so positive after what happened?". The truth of the matter is that sometimes I don't know how I'm doing it or how I am so positive most of the time. One of the things that keeps me going is being able to help other people. I know I am an inspiration to many and I hope this post doesn't take away from that. All I have to say is that I'm human and things happen and I know I will get through it.

Jenni

Something I've Learned

Difficult Times Don't Last Forever

Sometimes, the problems you must face are more than you wish to cope with, and tomorrow doesn't seem to offer any solutions.

You may ask yourself, "Why me?" but the answer is sometimes unclear. You may even tend to feel that life hasn't been just or fair to burden you with such obstacles.

The roads any of us choose to follow are never free of bumps or curves, but eventually the turns lead to a smoother path ahead.

Believe in yourself and your dreams. You will soon realize that the future holds many promises for you. Remember... difficult times don't last forever.
-Geri Danks

I found this poem to be extremely similar to my life and thoughts. So much so that I have probably written it some way in my mind before. I didn't know it at the time of my accident, but I know now that difficult times don't last forever. Things have gotten easier and I have learned how to cope. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that there is a certain path that each of us take. I have had many obstacles along the way but I am here now doing exactly what I feel I am supposed to be doing. We just have to go along with the hand that we are dealt and hope that everything works out in the end.

Jenni

Change

Chrysalis
Throughout life you will learn
that sorrow will not remain.
You will see that it is
like a butterfly emerging
from its cocoon to make way
for greater things.
-Corrine DeWinter

When a caterpillar spins a chrysalis, does it know its life is going to change and that it's going to turn into a beautiful butterfly? When a baby is born, does it know the path that it's going to live and the life-changing moments that may occur? Change happens every day whether it is good or bad. People die, give birth, get jobs, lose jobs, graduate high school or college, etc. Some is just simply change and some is life-changing. Like an accident that changes you from an active teen to being paralyzed and in a wheelchair.

Today is the sixth year anniversary of my accident. This day doesn't frighten or scare me; I don't get sad or depressed; I don't think why me or about all the "what ifs". I just live and thank God that I am still living and still hear on this earth able to live my life with this change. The accident did change my life, but it didn't change me. I'm still the same person I used to be. I still want to love and be loved. I still need friends and family to support me. I want to be an advocate for others with disabilities like me; others who have faced similar changes. I also want to show people not to be afraid of change. Because of this change I live my life differently. It may be hard at times, but I'm happy and that's all that matters.

Jenni

"New beginnings start as the seed of a flower does, buried, unseen, but destined to bloom.
-Corrine DeWinter