A "Frequent Flyer"

A walking path in my backyard

I began writing this blog post 7 weeks ago, starting with: “I have written each post this year saying that I had just gotten out of the hospital, although I’m happy to report I’ve managed to stay out of there and at home relaxing with Everett. I did have a UTI the week before Labor Day, but thanks to some quick actions of getting on antibiotics, I was able to avoid it.” In my last blog entry, I stated “… I don’t like every entry to be about me being sick or in the hospital.”

Since October of last year, I've been in the hospital 6 times. That's a lot for me and takes a toll on my body physically and mentally. I also need to miss appointments and ABLE because it takes so long for me to recover after a big stay like that. Despite what I wrote, September 23 I went by nonemergency ambulance. After some testing, they found I had case of double pneumonia. I guess I knew the first day that I went in, but soon my oxygen went down to the low 70s even on 5 L of oxygen and I couldn’t maintain it. After that, they had to slowly sedate me to keep me comfortable because I was having high anxiety, trouble sleeping and difficulty maintaining breathing. I was sedated for approximately 4 days.

In the beginning, they gave me 3 Bronchoscopy’s, a CT scan, x-ray and tried 9 separate IV antibiotics until they found a combination of 3 that finally worked. Also, my lungs needed to relax and heal. They also had to monitor me better, so they put me on one of their ventilators. I was even trying to fight their vent (meaning it was giving me 20 breaths per minute, and I was bringing it to 25.)

From the start, it was just baby steps, 1 foot in front of the other (or should I say, one wheel?) Also, since coming home, I’ve been sleeping a lot; something I don’t do enough of. I know now when my body says “sleep,” it usually means that I need to rest and sleep whenever I can. By resting, accepting help from friends and family, and gradual actions to recover, I have the best plan in place to a speedy recovery. There were signs and symptoms that went on right before, that I now realize to be something to watch out for before things get too extreme.

If you’re reading this and live outside of Minnesota, throughout the summer, Canadian wildfire smoke significantly affected the state. The worst air quality was recorded in late July and early August. Some of them were issued for multiple days at a time. I couldn’t go outside when the air was bad because of my asthma and the fact that I’m on a ventilator. I have trouble enough as it is. Not being able to get out of the house is hard enough but when it is more than a week it becomes depressing.

This past spring I started the process of applying for a new wheelchair. I’m eligible for a new one every 5 years and I’ve had mine for 7 years. It’s a long and daunting process, sometimes taking over a year for insurance to cover everything I need. First, I had to have my Dr. write a prescription. Then, I underwent a wheelchair evaluation with a physical therapist aside my medical equipment supplier. Finally, I selected which chair I wanted along with what I needed it to do.

I ordered it to recline, tilt, legs to raise, change drives (making it speed up or slow down, elevate, and other things my wheelchair now can do and more.) Insurance approved everything so far, except for the seat elevation portion. That’s what allows me to raise my chair up and down. It’s easier for people working to reach my height. I appealed it, but I’m just waiting for their decision.

Labor Day weekend my boyfriend Jay visited me from Jacksonville, Florida. We met through my blog. After his T1/T2 spinal cord injury happened in 2019, he was searching for everything related to SCI’s, and that’s when he came across my blog. He made a comment on one of my posts, I responded, then less than a year later, we fell in love and have been together since 2020. We met in person for the first time, Labor Day weekend. He’s coming on Thanksgiving and Christmas too!

Jay and I in my backyard

According to Wikipedia “The Minneapolis Institute of Art (Mia) is an art museum located in Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States. Home to more than 100,000 works of art representing 5,000 years of world history, Mia is one of the largest art museums in the United States. Its permanent collection spans about 5,000 years and represents the world's diverse culture across six continents. The museum has five curatorial areas: Arts of Global Africa, Global Contemporary Art, Asian Art, European Art, and Arts of the Americas.”

I had so much fun! The last time I was at a museum was for a grade school field trip, and I don’t remember any of it. My nurse and I went, just to do something fun besides going outside, out to eat, to the mall etc. There are 3 floors, and we barely made it through one floor, the 2^nd. My favorite painting was (1 of 4) in Vincent van Gogh’s series Olive Trees. This is a photo of me between Claude Monet’s Grainstack (looking at the photo, on the left) and my favorite painting.

Jenni

Here are 2 of my poems:

Expansive Roots

My limbs are rough, full of brown bark

despite not moving by themselves

they may falter in times of trouble

as my presence in the world matters

 

While my cracks show in harsh winds

delving deep into their structure and use

in my trunk’s importance in this world

proving I matter in the ecosystem

 

My roots are an expansive link

embedded in the dirt of Mother Earth

where I feed my self-worth within times

when I’m strongly supported by my presence

 

I am connected to neighboring life forces

stemming out reaching for provision up top

engaging with my family of surrounding trees

to construct a forest of my ancestries

 

With every breath I stretch into the clouds

as my experiences in life are deeply felt

although I have a few tangles to work out

with each year adorned with a new ring

 

My protection is my bark and layers

covering me so you can’t see

any of my tragedy or loss I’ve endured

that comes with being a dead tree

Canadian Wildfires

The city groans as it chokes on dust

exhaling gray, drifting smoke

hazy skies and air-quality alerts

obscuring the sun, covering towns

Like a curtain dropping from the sky

Canadian wildfires pollute Minnesota air,

strangling every tree in sight

spreading freely through dense conifers

A silent hold upon the once crisp atmosphere,

outdoors is forbidden for weeks

difficult to contain, as health is strained

harder for asthmatics to breathe

Embers sweep into drought-stricken fields

delicate lungs copiously cough,

hushing children’s play through the disorder,

as orange flames leave farmers at a loss

Being in the Hospital Is No Fun

On October 15, I had 2 seizures around 8 AM. The first one lasted about 8 minutes, and the second one about 2. I’m on 2 seizure medications to prevent having one, but not if they are related to something. Since the first seizure lasted more than 2 minutes, the protocol for me is to call 911. I was completely out of it from exhaustion, but I do remember the ride to the emergency room.

When I got there, they did some testing to see what might’ve contributed to the seizures. First off, I already had a high temperature. Mine is usually around 97° and I was at 99°- 101°. They took blood, x-rays, CT scan etc.-anything that would help to figure it out. The results were a higher white blood cell count and pneumonia. We think pneumonia was what caused the seizures. In the past, I had seizures that link to bad infections like bladder or lungs.

I was in the ER for 3 or 4 hours and then they moved me to the ICU. I spent Monday the 15th-Saturday the 19th (my birthday) in the hospital. They put me on IV antibiotics, which helps get the infection under control faster than the pill form. Once I was stable, I was able to go home on oral medications. Before all this happened, I was having to suction quite often with colored secretions, so I knew something was going on.

It took a couple of weeks to recover after I got home. I was weak and couldn’t go to ABLE because it was hard to even function during the day. I was pretty much feeling the same as before everything happened, only not miserable so I knew I was on the mend to healing. After being so sick, it takes time for my body to bounce back to normal. I’m finally there, able to withstand being in my wheelchair for the normal amount of time along with my regular routine.

Also, it does take a while to create blog posts, since talking a lot on my computer can be exhausting sometimes. I’ve been writing this post on and off for a while now. I would’ve finished a while ago, but most of my time spent on the computer is writing poetry. I posted one of them below although you can also check them all out by clicking on this link: my poems

Jenni

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to recover to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”-Christopher Reeve

Inner Strength

After severing the sky with lightning

thunder roars inside me

as my strength gives way at times

when I struggle to live my life

Feeling unjust in times of trouble

and lost in crowds of people

where I can’t find my inner being

as I’m clouded by my ongoing paralysis

Hope is me holding onto an

unknown future in which I remain

calm within my feelings

realizing just how beautiful I am

Then a gravel path visibly opens

when my consciousness clears

in which I preside to roll down

to see where my beginnings live on

Overdue Update

It’s been a while since I’ve written an update. The biggest news is my accomplishments at ABLE. I know I’ve written quite a bit about it, but the exercises that I have been doing have helped me in big ways. I still do the same ones but have improved in length of time and structure. 

After hooking up the electrodes to my abs, obliques, lower back and between my shoulder blades, I’ve been able to successfully sit on the side of the mat by myself without help. The PTs that I work with just sit down and keep their hands close to me in case I start leaning over. It’s also helped me be able to sit forward in my wheelchair without help to get my back brace and my sweatshirt on and off. This also includes stretching my back.

To recap about what electrical muscle stimulation (E-stim) is, it can be used to help treat pain and heal injured, weak, or diseased muscles. Electrical currents may help improve blood flow and stimulate the muscle fibers or nerves. They also use it on my arm’s, and then move them simultaneously into bicep/tricep curls, along with forward reach and grasp (essentially moving my arms forward and then backwards.) 

They do each set for about 10 to 12 minutes at a time, then I take about a 3-5 minute break between each one for 1 hour. With my abdomen, the stim runs for an hour also, and then I move myself side to side and back and forth. On Wednesdays is when I do stim on my abs and then move myself side to side, and on Fridays I use a bicycle that moves my legs and then stim on my arms. 

Each session wears me out completely, and I usually need to take naps after. Then I get into bed earlier and go to sleep earlier. It’s a big workout for my body, especially being paralyzed from the neck down. I’m very lucky that I have feeling, and can tell which muscle I am using, tightening it to move the way I need to. It really helps with ABLE.

I’ve also been obsessed with writing poetry. So much so that writing my book and inserting posts on my blog have been put aside. I go on the website at least twice a day, finding topics from contests to write about. Sometimes, I feel guilty for not writing my book or my blog for so long, but I’ve been improving my writing skills a lot lately with writing my poems. I would like to publish a book with poems I’ve written in it. I have posted my most recent ones below.

For quite some time now, I’ve been having bad neck pain. Talking with my therapists and doctors, neither could locate the source of it. After dealing with it, I finally made an appointment with my neurosurgeon. Tuesday was one of the longest I’ve had as far as appointments go. I left my house at 12:30 PM and didn’t get home until almost 6 PM. First, I had an MRI then a CT scan, then saw my doctor. Since I can’t have anything metal on me for the MRI, the respiratory therapists there needed to change out my trach. Mine has metal in it; they also changed from my ventilator to an MRI safe vent.

It was a very uncomfortable and difficult time but needed to get done. The results were good and bad. Good in that they didn’t find anything that would cause any harm, like a bone spur or my bones to be digging into muscles. Although, bad because it didn’t explain why my neck is hurting. My doctor thinks it’s hurting from muscle or nerve pain, which is what I thought as well. It’s also a thought that my wheelchair needs to be adjusted and that may be the cause.

For now, I’ll continue to do as much adjusting as possible to avoid it. I’m grateful for ABLE as it has been helping with my balance and moving. I’m also glad that I came across the poetry website so I can increase my creativity in writing and use that while writing my book. Hopefully soon I will get back to my book and finally be able to share it with all of you. In due time!

Jenni

Here are some recent poems I’ve written. Enjoy!

When Everett saw me

I was only gone for the day,

when I came home, Everett saw me,

he ran towards my footrest,

climbing his way onto my lap

Ever since that day happened,

he’s found his way up several times,

I don’t know how he can jump that high

but I was smiling ear to ear

There are many more moments,

in which my dog has made me happy,

but learning that he recognizes 

that his mom in a wheelchair, tops all

My Dog Everett

One ear up, one ear down

zooming around the yard

bouncing in the snow

with no place to go

Barking at the TV’s

and the squirrels in the trees

playing fetch with his toys

making all sorts of noise

Loves every dog he meets,

including the people he greets

if he could have his way

he would play all day

Everett is his name,

he likes to play all sorts of games,

a Chinese crested powderpuff

and he thinks he’s really tough

Oh, to fly

I wish I could fly like a butterfly,

soaring high into the open sky

with invisible fences around me

feeling the fresh air on my wings

I would fly to many places,

above the earth’s green grasses

go sailing in between the clouds,

dancing with the stars and sun

Since I can only imagine flying

I’ll close my eyes and think of

taking flight into the unfamiliar

finding a stick to land on to

the hot sun shines down

on a wild goose in water

soaking up its twin

Newest Update

Since my last post, I was back in the hospital for another respiratory infection. It wasn’t pneumonia, but it was bad enough for me to be admitted. I went into the emergency room and was admitted on August 5, then was discharged on August 9. They sent me home for 2 days then I was back in the ER on August 11 for 6 days. The reason I went back into the hospital was because my mom, nurses, and I all repeatedly told them I wasn’t ready to go home, but they kicked me out anyways. 

Before leaving, I was still feeling sick and having all the same symptoms. Although the hospital said, “they recommended that I continue current antibiotic measurements and that I could do that at home under the supervision of my nurses.” I’m feeling much better now and have been healthy since. I went home with a PICC line (it’s like an IV, but it is a type of catheter to access bigger veins.) It can also be left in for a longer period, but there is a dressing on it and needs changing once a week (mine was by the crease of my elbow.)

One thing that happened this time is I also had issues, although it wasn’t with my wheelchair, but my ventilator attached to my wheelchair. My vent plugs into my wheelchair which charges it and is also like an “external battery” for it. The vent internal battery lasts about 30-40 minutes and when it’s running off my wheelchair, it lasts as long as my wheelchair battery is. At some point at time while I was there, my vent started beeping “low battery,” so we used the plug-in to the wall instead.

Before I went home, I had to have the wheelchair company come to the hospital to figure out if they could fix whatever was broken. He found that the converter box (a black box that the wheelchair battery and ventilator battery plug-in to) was crushed. I’m sure at some point when I was repositioning in my chair, I must have leaned into it. Then, over time the box continued to break down and it chose that moment to quit working. Anyway, at first, he said they would have to order a whole new one, but then she was able to fix it on the spot. About a week later, someone came to my house and replaced the box.

Since being home I’ve been staying low key, writing poetry, getting outside, taking Everette for walks. I’ve also been continuing to go to ABLE whenever I can. Nursing lately has been a little spotty and it doesn’t work to go on days when there isn’t one. The best part about going is learning new things and gaining more movement. I took a video of my latest progress and will share it in a separate post. I'm always amazed at myself and have been told that by others.

If everything works out, I will continue to go there as long as I can. Nothing can stop me from reaching my dreams. Over time I have gained more arm movement and core balance. The one thing that stops me short on some days are my arm exercises. I get major pain in my neck and arm sockets. It could be a combination within the arm exercises and my wheelchair. I’m planning on seeing a doctor about my arms coming up soon.

The most exciting news since my last post is that my sister is due again in October. Now I will be an aunt to 3 girls!

I am hoping to update sooner than 4 months, as my posts have become longer and random. Although every day I’m new writing poems and entering them into contests. I have shared some of my recent ones below. Thank you for your patience.

Jenni

Natures Grace’s

Sunlight dances piercing through cirrus clouds

rays of light shine causing shadows to scream loud,

Like molten cream the sky is full of many hues

emitting molecules scattering violets and blues

Feeling a heaviness lumbering tirelessly through

evergreen trees that stick together like glue,

Strong roots run deep entangling underground,

sending secret messages beneath the loamy ground

As brisk breezes brushes across center retrieves

running its fingers between the crimson leaves

Lifeforms unpredictability like ribbons of sound

breathing in the crisp air from oxygen around

Times when there are changes between seasons,

with lessons at the same time as life’s reasons

Tapestry of nature whispers secrets in the streams

carrying them around Earth’s beautiful bright beams

Crossing an Intersection

At an intersection to cross the street

when the light turns green “what should I do?”

I’m in a wheelchair trying to be discreet,

I wish I could walk when the sign tells me to

There is no wheelchair symbol flashing,

just words saying “walk” or “don’t walk,”

when I see that I just start laughing

there should be a voice that starts to talk

Wondering what people would think,

if there were words saying “roll” or “don’t roll,”

they might get a kick or need to rethink,

maybe they’d get confused or lose control

Figuring out how to have it both ways,

for walkers and rollers lessening the confusion

there could be a custom-built phrase,

saying “cross” or “don’t cross” for inclusion

Who is following me?

Getting smaller as I charge for it,

growing taller as I walk away,

constantly creeping beside me

lurking in my every movement

Shifting shapes in the sunlight

dimming within the moonlight

learning to accept the fact,

that I can’t get away fast enough

Feeling fearful and empty inside,

it always has a hold of my sight,

despite all the dark there is light

behind my shadow to show itself

Visit to the Hospital

Two weeks ago, I went to the Emergency Room because I was feeling short of breath, my oxygen was low, and I was having to be suctioned more frequently. They did a chest x-ray along with blood work. The ER doc looked at my x-ray and thought I had a mild case of pneumonia. My white blood count was also high, which could coincide with an infection. He put me on a week’s dose of an oral antibiotic.

Despite being on an antibiotic, last Wednesday I started getting worse. I decided to take another trip to the ER. Based on the symptoms I was still going through and results from different tests, this time they decided to admit me to the hospital. I was in the ICU for a day and ½ then transferred to a different floor. The reason they admitted me, was so they could give me IV antibiotics. Much more powerful than oral ones.

My nurses come into the hospital with me and sit by my side. Although they can’t do anything “nursing related” they can help me with things I need at bedside, along with conversation. Since the hospital is so busy, they can’t exactly assign an aid to sit in the room with me and help with all my needs. If I don’t have someone that can be there all the time, I’m stuck by myself with nothing to do.

Also, my family helped as well. There’s nothing worse than being away from your own things and environment. Whenever I admitted to the hospital, I end up bringing “everything but the kitchen sink.” In other words, packing and getting a lot of things from my house. My mom even brought me some food as ordering the same thing at the hospital can be boring.

I received more tests, pricks in my arm, blood draws, a pic line placed, along with the antibiotics and rest. I’m glad to say I bounced back quickly and was discharged from the hospital this past Saturday afternoon. After getting in my wheelchair and about ready to leave, I noticed something very critical. Within all the chaos, I forgot to bring something that would’ve been very helpful: my charger for my wheelchair.

When they turned it on, I realized it was completely dead. There was no way I was able to drive myself out of the hospital. My wheelchair can be put on a “manual mode” but it’s very heavy to push (more than 500 pounds with me and it.) Plus, there was the added maneuvering around corners, through doorways, elevator, van, and into my house. My wheelchair was facing the wall, so I sat there for 15 minutes before deciding to have them turn me around manually to at least watch some TV.

After about 30 more minutes, they turned my wheelchair on, and I was able to drive it. Although we figured out that it must’ve come unplugged when they turned me around because I had just enough juice to get in the elevator and to the waiting room. So, I had to stay in the waiting room for about 40 minutes while it charged. Luckily, I was in a bigger space with windows surrounding me. With that amount of time, I could drive myself into my van and get situated.

Although, by the time I got home, it was dead again. I was in the driveway with my wheelchair plugged in to outlets on the house using an extension cord. Figuring it would take another 40 minutes of charging, when it was unplugged, the battery was still dead! My aunt, Sandy, and my mom just put it on manual and got me into my house because I didn’t want to wait in the van any longer. Regardless, I was discharged around 2:30 PM and got in my house close to 6 PM. It was a long day for everyone.

Despite everything that happened, my health is back to baseline, and I feel 100% better. I even went to ABLE yesterday and am also planning on going tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t have any more infections, although my allergies are acting up because of the weather. The smoke from the fires in Canada are making our air quality bad, which makes it impossible for people with “breathing problems” to go outside.

Jenni

Recent poem I wrote for a contest about joy or hope:

Strangers Bring Hope

Fresh flowers placed on a someone else’s grave

showing others care for strangers in need

helping to open all the doors that are closed

bringing hope to those who are mourning

Symbolizing the frailty of one’s lifetime

bouquets representing condolences and grief

a form of ongoing memorialiazation to them

leaving something in their honor to remember

Reflection

Reflection

It’s been a busy month. As usual, we have had some snow days in April. Some have even prevented me from going to ABLE. One day we went from 80°F to the next day of 30°F. I guess that’s Minnesota for you though. We’ve also had some flooding of rivers and lakes. Even though all the snow has melted, it’s still in the low 40s. I’m not sure what the forecast looks like over the next couple of weeks yet, but we may still get more snow.

At least when it was nice for a while, I was able to take Everett out for walks. He’s been coming in to his own this past month. He still needs lots of attention and to be taken outside on leash. I haven’t quite gotten to the point where he listens to me, but I know that will come soon enough. It took Brody a couple years and to be hooked up to my wheelchair. He is a great dog, although needs some training still. He’s going to go for a “vacation” at the trainers’ house for 4 days starting tomorrow.

I’ve been reading audiobooks one after the other to and from appointments. I’ve also been keeping busy by writing more poetry. I pasted some of my poems I recently wrote below. I put writing my book on hold for a while. The format is good, but I need to write more content and that will come in time.

Jenni

The poem below is written for a photo contest based on the one at the beginning of my blog post.

Reflection

Across the river by the golden valley

stands a tree with limbs of certainty,

all gravel roads race to picture it

sunrays arrive to highlight its arches

Shapes and patterns come and go,

embracing the grooves in its bark

leaves stretch showing their veins,

while water droplets reflect light

Curving round its extensive branches

squirrels scurry to their leafy nests

whispers of the dusk draw near

all shadows from the tree disappear

Trapped

I'm like tiny bugs

caught in a spiderweb

Mind trapped in a

body that can’t move

Taking time to heal

within this brokenness

Feelings After Survival

After crash landing in an open minefield

I’m losing the struggle to regain survival,

as shadows cross my path to take me up

waiting for the hardest hours to come

Unable to bear the demons I face,

whispers of the air pass through me

tiny voices share secrets from hidden pasts,

opening canals like passageways afar

Subtle changes behind pain and agony

realizing there’s more behind the masks,

that I put on creating false representations

immersing myself beyond recognition

Now intertwined like the roots of a tree,

sinking further down feeling grounded

connecting myself deep into the earth

anchored keeping me straight and solid

My Little Buddy

A week from this past Thursday, we had to put Brody down. Around 6 AM that morning, my night nurse and aunt Sandy, both heard him making a couple of loud yelping noises. When they went to look at him in his bed, he was still sleeping, so they thought he just had a dream. When it came time for breakfast, he didn’t go over to eat it. Later when I went over to look at him, he didn’t look at me or wag his tail, which was very odd.

Sandy took him out of his bed, and he was walking very slowly and side to side. She looked up some symptoms, and one that stood out was possibly a stroke. We decided to have him go to the vet since he wasn’t acting like himself. They took some blood work and did an ultrasound on him. About 45 minutes later, she brought him back and said, “it is in good.”

When I saw him, I could see the pain and sadness on his face. Sandy put Brody on my lap then let me know what the vet said. Apparently, he had many tumors throughout his body and in the morning one of them ruptured; from that point there was internal bleeding, and by the blood work they could tell that he had cancer everywhere. 

Sandy told me the options the vet told her: I could have him home with me, but he probably would only last through the night or there is a medicine he could take where he may live 3 or 4 days. I chose the 3rd option, to put him down right away because I did not want him to suffer any longer. 

The role Brody played in my life as a companion dog, causes me to grieve, not only for the loss of him, but his emotional support. Adjusting to the fact that I’ll never spend time with him again is painful, and I know it will take a lot of time to adjust. He was a special dog; we shared a bond and affection like no other. He is also missed by my family, caregivers, and everyone’s life in which he touched.

It’s taken me some time to write this blog post because I’m still grieving. His presence in our house is greatly missed. I was in such a routine with him that I’ve caught myself during certain times. I still look at the time at 5 PM, his suppertime. I still want to call him when I’m going from room to room. I also know it will hit me even harder when springtime comes and it’s warm enough to go for a “walk and roll.” 

I know there will never be another “Brody”, but at some point, I know I’ll come across another dog to be a companion to me. I miss my little buddy so much! 

Jenni

A poem I wrote about Brody:

My Companion Dog

My mom takes me for walks

pulling on the leash to makes her wheels go faster

I’m dependent on her to give me affection and protection

I look into her blue eyes, hopelessly devoted

she is my family

I’m a dog, I’m fun, all I want to do is have fun 

when she is sad or crying, she really messes with my mojo 

That’s when I like to jump all over her, lay on her lap 

comforting her until she gets over it and takes me outside

for the most part, I love the simple pleasures of life 

One thing about me is I don’t judge 

if she makes a mistake, I forgive her

if she forgets something, it’s no big deal

when she has doubts, I will politely disagree

I see her for what she really is, pure awesome!

I know how to make her feel guilty

I just sit in front of her or at the window 

she knows what I want, mostly some attention

I know how to speak English, just not verbally

sometimes I choose to ignore her 

My favorite thing to do right now is sleep

I’m most comfortable tucked in tight places

I also like to sleep in my bed, on the couch or 

floor with something covering my face 

The more hidden I am the better

His favorite spot on the couch

Brody loved fresh laundry!

And his beds!

Two Decades

After any change in life, there is an adjustment period. It’s how we adapt or become used to the changes that occurred. Without a doubt, experiencing a spinal cord injury is a challenging and new situation. When it happens, adjusting to living with SCI, can be hard; especially when trying to put your life back in order. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it although continuing to alter changes in life can be similar.

Going home is a major step in adjusting to life after SCI. It can be exciting to get back to the comforts of home. It can also be scary if you are unsure of what to expect once you get there. Having to get used to a “new normal” daily routine takes time. In my situation, I had to learn what it’s like to have others take care of me (not having as much independence as before.) 

I often say “it feels like I’m doing things for the first time” as I learn how to do activities differently. That feeling has faded as I worked through problems and figured out the best way to manage my daily routines. Despite experiencing a mix of emotions, I try to keep my mind occupied since I’m no longer able to physically do things.

It’s been two decades since the car accident that forever changed my future took place. I know I’ve written on my blog about positivity and hope, some of the very feelings I needed to thrive. Although at the time, I was very uncertain as to what the future would hold for me. Thankfully, I had friends and family supporting me, helping along the way. 

I chose a life of happiness, not wanting to live my life with immense sadness, anger, or depression. I can’t speak for others who experience traumatic events. Only how my life played out and thereafter. I feel very fortunate to have people by my side, helping me throughout the way. Although, there were moments after in which I had to take time to heal my emotional equilibrium.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how challenging or difficult it is. I’ve always felt that there was a reason why I survived. Maybe it was to help people in my situation or open someone’s eyes to what it’s like living with a disability. Sharing my story with others, whether it be using my blog or motivational speaking can be a way to express my feelings. 

Whatever it may be, I’m glad that I did. Life is short, so I try to do the best I can at living it to the fullest. Don’t take things for granted, you never know what can happen.

Jenni

Newest poems:

Living Life

Striking my inner being

like lightning bolts

times of a troublesome past

paralyzed body no longer breathing

trying to heal from the inside out

realizing life is worth living

Stress in Life

Nerves press firmly against my cortex as

boiling blood gushes through my veins

clouding my judgment,

clogging paths to relief

Frontal lobes on fire

my eyes water with fury

twisting and turning thoughts

scrambling my brain leaving it to rot

Struggling to maintain composure

bumps in the road create challenges and obstacles

stress of becoming paralyzed leaves emotional scars

slowly emptying all that’s left within me

Question everything that’s happened

How? Why? What now?

the day is ending

pain explodes beyond measure

Courage finally intervenes

willingness to survive has arrived

despite past feelings of doubt

my mind finally is free

What have I been up to?

Hello everyone!

I have lots to share. The biggest news is that I got my cast off my leg last week. I went in and my orthopedic doctor took my fourth cast off, then I got an x-ray. She said that it’s healed enough that if I was walking, she would recommend me to start bearing weight on it. Hopefully nothing else will happen to it or any other of my bones that would cause setback at ABLE. I’m going back in about a month to get another x-ray to see how it’s healing.

If you’re reading this and are not from Minnesota, the weather here has been cold for October. It’s supposed to be fall, although it was so cold this past week that it snowed. Good thing it only lasted the morning and then warmed up during the middle of the day for it to melt. I wasn’t taking Brody out much because of the weather and the cold, except for today.

I’m still perfecting my poetry writing (thus the reason why I haven’t blogged much lately.) I also haven’t written much for my book. I believe the imagery and metaphors I’m using will help in my book. My mom and I did an interview today for the Morton Cure Paralysis Fund and it will be a YouTube video coming soon. In my last post, I shared their first video. I’ll post the link on my blog when it becomes available.

I’m hoping to write more blog posts about other things than just updates about me. 

Jenni

Here are a few more poems I’ve written:

Hiding Behind the Clouds

Two clouds pass another on a wisp of wind

revealing a ball of fire showcasing its rays

casting shadows on the earth below its plain

Moving swiftly, beautiful, and bright

diverging left then right without a word said

peeking into different lives from far away

Unlocking the key to an ancient mystery

accessing countless times of troubled pasts

sifting through a treasure trove of memories

Holding visions while trusting processes

powered by motivation to seek answers

the two clouds produce inspiration from above

A Scene from Heaven

Numerous colors paint the forests’ floor,

as hummingbirds flutter in the distance

and frogs croak on sunlit lily pads

warm breezes wander between flowers

Wind whizzes around dark tree trunks

shadows appear amongst overhanging limbs

between the kiss of falling leaves

glimpses of patchy sky seen breaks through

The vibrant trees stick to their boundaries

casting show stopping colors on the flowing river

that rumbles through the path it’s created

picking up every evidence of being there

If October never existed

No days so still, so kindly sincere

such reverential quietness in the air

Voices so crisp with integrity

Leaves switch to yellow, orange, and red

Gold in its pocket full of recollections

reminding me of ambient occurrences

Times so pleasant as a fine October

if it never existed, I wouldn’t be alive

as my birthday lands on the 19th

When the light is sweet and heavy

permanence takes its bitter shape

folding amongst natures hugs

Another Update

I’m still recovering from my spiral fracture on my right leg. I have gone to the orthopedic doctor three times so far since it happened. The first appointment was an x-ray and to put my cast on, then they wanted me to return in two weeks. The second one they cut my cast off, took an x-ray and said it needed a few more weeks. So, they put another cast on and wanted me to come back in three weeks. When I did, they took my cast off and took another x-ray, and determined it hadn’t healed at all from when I first fractured it. 

They put a cast on again and told me to come back in another 3 ½ weeks. It’s been a little over a week since then, so I’m not sure what to think when the next appointment comes around. Hopefully it’s healed at least some, because the next option is to put pins in to hold it together, so it heals faster. I’m not looking forward to that, if that’s the case. I’ve been modifying ABLE avoiding exercises that use my legs.

I also have been using a lift to get me out and back in my chair instead of manual transfers. When I first started, and they told me they were going to do a manual transfer, I was scared. I’d never transferred that way before I have only used a lift. It was going good until my last two injuries on my legs (bursitis in my right knee, and the spiral fracture I’m still healing from.) Using a lift does take longer than manual transfers, although it’s a safety route.

I’m praying for no more injuries! Other than ABLE, I’ve been getting outside as much as possible. Unfortunately, Brody isn’t feeling all that great. He wasn’t eating well for a few days and wouldn’t let anyone get close to his mouth. He went into the vet to get his teeth looked at. They said he has a lot of tartar, gingivitis, a loose tooth, cracked teeth etc. So, because of his bad teeth. In September going to have surgery and have multiple teeth pulled along with a deep clean. We’ve now been soaking his food in water, and he’s been loving that.

Now when I take him out for walks, he doesn’t like to walk the whole way. When he stops going and just looks at me, I put him on my lap. He lays down and then I go as far as I want! Although, the temperature outside has been quite warm and humid lately. It’s hard to go too far and I try to stick to the shade, so I don’t get to warm. That’s one thing that’s difficult about being a quad; when it’s cold I’m cold and when it’s hot I’m hot. 

Since we are approaching August, usually temperature in Minnesota only gets warmer. My favorite time of year is fall, not just because of the weather being cooler, but the leaf color changes are nice to look at. My sister and niece, Avery have birthdays this month. I always look forward to buying things for other people, especially for holidays.

As I said before, I've been on a binge of writing poems. I write one almost every day, mostly for contests on the site: All Poetry you can check out all the poems I've written by clicking on the link before this. Although others I've just posted for people to read. I thought I would share more of what I've written within the past couple months. 

Feelings of Hope

Letting my emotions flow within my veins, 

like water seeping through cracks in wood.

Enlightening me to share my sense of calm

with others until dawn meets the horizon.

Silence echoes across open land in sight,

while my mind reaches a height of stillness.

Beneath my feet feeling single grains of sand

navigating their way through open valleys.

The wind finally rests as thoughts of healing

begin to enter the realm surrounding my being.

Change

Within a moments time, 

my body changed like a 

caterpillar transforming

into a striking butterfly.

Life throws curveballs

letting me know how much

it can push itself, until

my breaking point. For the

instances that I am lonely

are far too many to count.

There are times in my past

where I felt like giving up,

because it’s easier than dealing

with being paralyzed from the 

neck down, on a ventilator.

Like a puzzle, I just pick up

pieces of my broken body,

slowly putting them back

together. Realizing that my time

here on earth is worth living

to its fullest. Despite my troubles

where I’ve slipped and fell, the 

path to my destination is clear.

My spirit flickers a faint light,

like a candle in a slight wind.

Since my near-death experience,

I now realize that the loneliness

within my mind has dwindled.

Changing pages has given 

me a chance to gain confidence,

preserving a future to survive.

By stepping out from behind the

shadows, I grant myself permission

to share my story with others.

Breathe In

Within two decades of moments lies dangerous

thoughts of reacting to a future unknown

Emotional insides twist with anticipation as feelings

inside my paralyzed body seize on-demand

Affecting my ability to move amongst beings

as every effort beyond has a cause with no feeling

Showing loneliness upon difficult times of struggle

like being on a ship with no lifeboat aboard

In spite unimaginable living in shadows of pain

stricken underneath me like light turning to dark

I now realize my past hatred of a time troubled accident

has dissipated into the air I breathe through my vent

Reminding me of myself despite my tight grasp

binding down at this moment however looking afar

What I’ve now become although whom I will be later

surrounding happiness above distant thunder clouds

Springtime Wonders

Blue sky shows above as the rays of sun shines on my face 

feelings of glow as the wind whispers in my ear ever 

flowing through the trees as the next season appears

all around as soothing scents of lilacs, hyacinths, and daffodils

start to grow in the ground and buds began showing

it is as if the world is telling me to be silent 

while the red cardinals flyby singing to each other 

with their sweet sounds of whistles flow amongst

my shoulders become relaxed as I feel a sense of calm

through the change of seasons while white winter wonderland

begins slowly disappearing as the temperature raises 

melting the snow away beginning to showcase spring 

blades of grass poking through the old crackled dried up

dead brown leaves laying in a bed below from last fall 

all seasons showing their stories right in front of my blue eyes 

the smell of petrichor produced by wet rocks after

raindrops fizzing as they splashed down caring an aroma

fills the air which makes me sneeze because of allergies 

although the light breeze slowly floats through leading it away 

while new spotted white fawns begin to show themselves 

their mothers protecting them when strangers come near 

showing them the ways around how their life is supposed to be 

while dad with pointed racks of antlers watches for predators 

that come near as the snow-covered water frozen from 

low temperatures, starts to melt opening-up as water begins

flowing making space for green mallards and geese finding 

their mates, other animals able to drink swiftly as the sun gets higher 

opening sky as its warming the nature in every corner 

the crickets make their calling, the bees start buzzing 

the black spotted red ladybugs land on my arm tickling me

An Update of My Updates

Last week I went into the pain clinic to get the nerve block I talked about a couple of posts ago. They went ahead and just did the nerve block. It was a mixture of lidocaine and some other medicine. The doctor told me that if this helps with the pain, it can provide relief for up to six months or a year or not at all. It can be repeated every six months.

If it doesn’t help at all, the next step would be a procedure called a nerve ablation. It’s kind of like the nerve block, only the block just deadens the nerve endings. With an ablation of the knee “Genicular nerve ablation uses radiofrequency energy to deactivate the nerves that send the constant pain signals to your knee and surrounding structures.” 

If I do this treatment it uses no medication and is performed completely outside your knee under precise image guidance. Most people achieve relief after the first week and take full effect after 3 to 4 weeks. For many patients, it’s effective in relieving the pain. It is possible that the nerve will regrow, although the procedure can be repeated if needed.

After the did the nerve block, it stopped hurting after a day or two. So far, it’s working, and I haven’t had to wear my knee brace sentence. I’m hoping that the nerve block lasts for a long time, so I don’t have to worry about doing the nerve ablation. Although at least there’s a second option afterwards just in case.

I have still been working on my book and writing poems. I’ve been very inspired, and write something, even if it’s just a sentence or paragraph every day. I’m hoping to include most of my poems in my book for others to read. A lot of them tie in nicely with what I’m writing, although some don’t. I’m not quite sure how long it will take me to finish. I still need to fill in each chapter with more stories and feelings.

Although, my goal is to be done with writing it by the end of this year. Then I need to work on publishing and selling. I can’t wait for everyone to read it. So far, it’s one of my greatest accomplishments since my accident. The other ones are surviving, graduating high school, college, and being crowned Ms. wheelchair Minnesota 2011.

Also, since spring started, every day has been different. Between snow, rain, and sun, I’ve been able to make it outside when I get a chance. I love being outdoors; it’s better than being stuck inside not knowing what to do. Brody loves it too! I can’t believe he’s 10 now and still thriving. Despite some arthritis, he still loves his walk and rolls.

Jenni

Patchwork Quilt

In real time my life is like a homemade quilt

organized then sewn using leftover scraps carefully cut

Stitched together to tell a story of an event or moment,

that’s important; the devastating loss turned to hope

The matters in which this patchwork is created

with smaller pieces crafting a whole symbolizes

connection of voices, womanhood, and sense of history

My body prudently put back together after a

life altering car accident paralyzing my limbs

Although when stitched together with love

even the rough patches and mistakes can be warming

Writing and Poems

I’ve been creating some new poems lately. There’s a website I came across called All Poetry. It’s kind of like Instagram, only except posting photos and videos, you post your poetry. Then you can like and comment on people’s poems. You can also follow people and on your homepage other people’s poems pop up.

Even though I’m on Instagram, I don’t look at it often. In fact, I guess I don’t really go on Facebook that much either. But I am really interested in this poetry website, as I find the poems to be very creative. Some are inspiring, deep, or about people’s lives. In the last couple days, I have created four new poems. I posted them below.

I think the combination of writing my memoir, thinking about writing a blog post, and the website has gotten my creative juices flowing. Also, I have a lot of ideas in my mind right now about things going on, my accident, and myself. It makes me feel good to write, whether it’s for fun or for something specific. I also just love writing in general.

I suppose that’s why I’m so excited to get my book finished. Not just for others to read it, but for that sense of accomplishment. Since I don’t work, I spend my days working on my computer, going outside, playing board games, listening to audiobooks, organizing etc. I keep myself busy, although it does feel good when I finish something that I have been working on.

Jenni

A Night of Terror, a Life of Gratitude

It happened in an instant, a sudden car accident that only takes seconds but lasts a lifetime. Going 60 mph on an off ramp, single car rollover, landing back on all four wheels. No memory of it; no hearing twists, blows or shocks my body endured before, during, or right after. Witnesses behind come to our rescue, not knowing what to expect. Fire truck siren blaring, ambulance whaling, police car yelping, helicopter blades whooshing coming to take me away. Kept highly sedated, not knowing what happened until a week afterwards. Sustaining a C1 C2 spinal cord injury, paralyzed from the neck down, ventilator breathing for me. Throughout my journey, finding what’s most important in life, realizing things happen for a reason.

Timeless War

Reality in life

Can be of strife

It pains to say

That things are this way

Struggles throughout

Have many in doubt

Soldiers marching along

While remaining strong

Nothing appears as it seems

Only in our dreams

It may be safe inside

Looking beyond many have cried

Despite that feeling

We are healing

As things move through

Loss is few

No Silence

In my life there is no silence. Even when I am the only person in the room, there's always a constant flow of noise inserting into my ears, getting trapped inside my head. A whoosh of air going in and out, in and out; it is an everlasting hum that can be heard throughout the house. My ventilator breathes for me. Requiring electricity to run, it is an energy sucking, life-saving machine that never stops going. Power is essential. Electrical currents flow out of the outlet, up through the thick gray cord and into the machine. In and out, in and out; filling my lungs with air; oxygen running through my body; giving me life. It is a process that never stops, never sleeps and is never quiet. In my life there is no silence.

My Lifeline

My lungs are expanding, in out, in out

I feel my chest rise and fall

I am one with the vent

It's breathing for me

The sound is like an airplane flying ahead

Colored lights flash across the surface

Attached to me always

It flows through me like wind through trees

Moments in Life

Crossroads

 

A moment among many

Listening to silence

Thoughts are thickening

As waves roar

 

Give out comfort

Support from above

Paths overlapping

Realizing there’s more

 

Unbearable tight grasp

Weighing me down

Without any feeling

Drifting further away

 

Don’t look back

Into the crossroads

Beyond the unknown

Let me stay

Make it show

To any unheard

Aware of surroundings

If broken apart

Step in front

Carry my weight

Hold on tight

Don’t even start

 

-Jenni Taylor

 

I like to write, especially about myself and my situation. This is a poem that I recently wrote. It’s about moments in life, how they appear, what they can do, how you can handle, and who you choose to let in to help.

Jenni

 

No Silence

In my life there is no silence. Even when I am the only person in the room, there's always a constant flow of noise inserting into my ears, getting trapped inside my head. A whoosh of air going in and out, in and out; it is an everlasting hum that can be heard throughout the house. My ventilator breathes for me. Requiring electricity to run, it is an energy sucking, life-saving machine that never stops going. Power is essential. Electrical currents flow out of the outlet, up through the thick gray cord and into the machine. In and out, in and out; filling my lungs with air; oxygen running through my body; giving me life. It is a process that never stops, never sleeps and is never quiet. In my life there is no silence.

Jenni

"I have often lamented that we cannot close our ears with as much ease as we can our eyes." ~Richard Steele

Creative Writings

I wrote this for my creative writing class. We had to write a paragraph about a thrilling or anguishing incident either from our childhood or adolescence. I chose to write about the time I woke up in the hospital after my accident. I used all five of my senses and similes and metaphors to describe the experience. I don't really remember the moment that I woke up, a lot of it is from what I've been told and what I have imagined.

My eyes opened to the sound of beeping alarms and glaring lights. Still drowsy from all of the sedatives, I struggled to figure out where I was and what I was doing there. My thoughts thickened like fog as I looked around, imagining the worst. I felt alone like a lost child in a crowd of thousands of strangers. The room was stale. It was breathing with people; rushing to get to their destination. I heard crying from behind the curtain to the left of me. I saw a flash of color brush past the end of the bed I was laying in going towards the cry.

After learning from my family that I was in the intensive care unit, and that something serious had happened to me, chills fell over me. I was in severe shock! I tried to talk but no words came out. My mouth was as dry as cotton and I could taste the plastic from the tube going down my throat into my lungs. I tried to sit up but my body wouldn't allow me to. I was paralyzed. I had broken my neck and injured my spinal cord in a car accident.

The next writing is a poem that I wrote. We had to describe a relationship we had with either an animal or a machine in a paragraph or poem. I chose to write a poem about my vent since our relationship is inseparable.

My Lifeline

My lungs are expanding, in out, in out
I feel my chest rise and fall
I am one with the vent
It's breathing for me
The sound is like an airplane flying ahead
Colored lights flash across the surface
Attached to me always
It flows through me like wind through trees

Can you tell I love to write? I will share more as time goes on. Let me know what you think. I'm always looking for feedback and constructive criticism.

Jenni

I Believe In Angels

Angels, Angels Everywhere

There are angels all around,
way up high, down to the ground.
Wearing long, white, flowing dresses,
hair in buns, all full of messes.
Wings fluttering, hands and feet steady,
I think they know, to see them I am ready.
Back and forth, to and fro,
these angels fly high and low.
They bring life, love, and joy to all,
helping us heal, avoiding a fall.
They guide us through the year round,
careful not to make a sound.
Goosebumps trigger when they are near,
but usually they don't appear.
Angels can come in forms of light,
if you see them, no need for fright.
Flashes of spirit, not pain,
think of the feelings you will gain.
There are always spirit guides,
angels to protect you.
When you're sad, lonely, or angry,
just call on them to do.
One doesn't know how dedicated they are,
on those days of loneliness, your angels are not far.
-Jenni Taylor

This is a poem I wrote a couple of years ago about angels. I do believe in angels and spirits. I also collect various angel trinkets around my room. The picture above is of a display I have hanging above my bed.

Jenni

A Moment Among Many

A Moment Among Many

As I lay there staring at the ceiling, listening to machines beeping and people screaming, I was worried that I may never be where I was before. I had made it through this situation, and hoped that nothing like it would ever cross my path again. Laying there made me realize that there's more to life than just going around pretending to be the one person you're not. It made me think about my past actions, and the person that I have now become. I desperately wanted to realize who I was in this world, where I fit in, and why this had happened to me.

Without any warning it me at 1000 mph. Confusion blocked my every thought, as that one event took control. It was unstoppable, and it was hard to handle. The fear, pain, uncertainty, feeling of loss, desperation; whatever that one or many emotions might have been, I held onto them, only until it was way too hard to fight, then I let others into my life to help handle.

I've many times heard of the mind and its mysterious ways. Thoughts thicken like fog until the back of the eyes go blind. Fear sets in, and lets the body know how far it can push itself before it breaks down in heartache. I know for this feeling has covered me like a thick afghan. Trembles start like a ghost was seen, and the only thing left to do is listen and hope for peace.

The above words explain my feelings after my accident. I wrote it a while ago and thought it was a good time to post it.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have dealt with my accident a different way. I now know that it is okay to grieve. It is normal to go through that process. Every emotion that I felt at the time I tucked away in the back of my head thinking that these feelings weren't normal. I put a smile on my face and dealt with the life-changing event with hope and happiness. I'm glad I did and it's okay to do, but now I am going through the grieving process that I should've gone through from the beginning. It snuck up on me, and until now I didn't know what I was feeling.

I see a therapist a couple of times a month. I just want to stress the importance of being able to talk to someone other than those close to you. Sometimes when a person talks to people that are regularly involved in their lives, those people tend to take the problems on themselves; try to fix them instead of just listening. I am glad that I have someone else to talk to who can help me figure out the emotions and feelings that I'm having. It helps to know that these are normal feelings and that I'm not weird or something for feeling the way I do.

It is difficult to go through something as traumatic and life changing as I have. I am a happy person and I am accepting of what has happened to me. I do have feelings of loss sometimes, and there are days that they interfere with what my daily routine. I may lose sleep or be depressed at times. The grieving process that I'm going through right now involves those feelings of loss and hopelessness. I know these feelings are normal and through therapy I will be back on track soon. This doesn't mean that I'm not able to function.


Jenni

Paddle With Might

Paddle With Might

The waters of this great river push me further and further from my beginning. I am on a journey, as my life slowly turns into a relaxation. As a bump over rocks and smoothly flow right through the ripples, I am tempted to realize what life is really all about. As I dip my paddle to and fro, I laugh and sing as my sweet innocent face glows. Life is now as it seems, peaceful as a river... happy as can be. Paddle with might.
-Jenni Taylor

One of my favorite things that I used to do before my accident was to go canoeing. I loved being on the river, paddle in hand, sharing a moment with friends, and being at peace with myself. I made up this poem before my accident, when I used to canoe all the time. I went to camp Icaghowan (a YMCA camp in Amery, Wisconsin) every summer and we would go canoeing. One summer I was a Challenger at Camp, and we went canoeing and camping on the St. Croix River forth 10 days. That was the best. I hope to someday canoe once more and experience new journeys all over again.

Jenni

See Me for Me

What causes people to stare at the unknown? Fear? Curiosity? What causes people to react differently to those with disabilities? Unacceptance? I know what it's like to be stared at. I know what it's like to have people stop in their tracks just to get a glimpse of the unknown. Why can't people just see me for me and not my disability? Why can't they just accept who I am and what I'm about. I may not look like everybody else, but that doesn't give others the right to stare. These questions and thoughts inspired me to write this poem:

See Me for Me

I am alive.
I am here.
I do exist.
Yes, I look different.
I have a disability.
I am paralyzed.
I am in a wheelchair.
I am on a ventilator.
Does that matter?
Apparently it does.
I don't like staring.
I don't like gawking.
I don't like whispers.
I don't like pointing.
See me for me.
I like people.
I have friends.
I have caregivers.
I have family.
I make a difference.
I am friendly.
I care.
I love.
I speak.
I write.
I paint.
I am me.

I know this post may be shocking to some people or a wake-up call to others. I wake up every morning and say to myself "What can I do today to make a difference? Who am I going to inspire?" However, I get interrupted by curious and fearful people who choose to stare at the unknown. Stare at someone with a disability who is just trying to make it through the day. I am here to tell all those people to see me for me. See others with disabilities for who they are. I would rather have someone come up to me and ask me what happened; ask me who I am and what I'm about; ask me how I got to where I am today. I am proud of who I am. I am proud of the challenges that I have overcome. I am proud of what I've accomplished. I am proud of the person I am today. And I will tell you that; if only you would just ask.

Now, most of this post has been kind of negative. I guess I'm just letting go of some of my frustrations. It didn't used to bother me as much as it does now. Maybe because I'm starting to notice it more. I used to just ignore it. Even though I think it is rude, I don't usually get upset with the people who are staring. I know they are just curious. Many of them have never seen someone on a vent before. Especially little kids. Sometimes I just smile at the people who are staring. However, I need to come up with some line or a sign to put people at ease; something to fulfill their curiosity. I think I'm going to put a sign on my wheelchair that says "I was in a car accident". That would solve a lot.

Jenni

A Poem by Me

Love's Way
I think about it every day and night.
There's something about it that's just not right.
It haunts me in my sleep and follows day by day.
I don't know how to deal, there's just no way.
I try to avoid all night long.
It's just too hard because it's just so strong.
So here comes to stay with me,
that's just the way love is going to be.
-Jenni Taylor

I have written many poems that will show up in various posts. No, I was not in love when I wrote this poem. Most of my poems come to me in the middle of the night for no reason. This poem was one of them. I don't know why or how I thought of it, I just did. I like it though. I think it really shows what some people go through when they are really truly in love, whether they want to be or not.

Jenni