Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Moment Among Many

A Moment Among Many

As I lay there staring at the ceiling, listening to machines beeping and people screaming, I was worried that I may never be where I was before. I had made it through this situation, and hoped that nothing like it would ever cross my path again. Laying there made me realize that there's more to life than just going around pretending to be the one person you're not. It made me think about my past actions, and the person that I have now become. I desperately wanted to realize who I was in this world, where I fit in, and why this had happened to me.

Without any warning it me at 1000 mph. Confusion blocked my every thought, as that one event took control. It was unstoppable, and it was hard to handle. The fear, pain, uncertainty, feeling of loss, desperation; whatever that one or many emotions might have been, I held onto them, only until it was way too hard to fight, then I let others into my life to help handle.

I've many times heard of the mind and its mysterious ways. Thoughts thicken like fog until the back of the eyes go blind. Fear sets in, and lets the body know how far it can push itself before it breaks down in heartache. I know for this feeling has covered me like a thick afghan. Trembles start like a ghost was seen, and the only thing left to do is listen and hope for peace.

The above words explain my feelings after my accident. I wrote it a while ago and thought it was a good time to post it.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have dealt with my accident a different way. I now know that it is okay to grieve. It is normal to go through that process. Every emotion that I felt at the time I tucked away in the back of my head thinking that these feelings weren't normal. I put a smile on my face and dealt with the life-changing event with hope and happiness. I'm glad I did and it's okay to do, but now I am going through the grieving process that I should've gone through from the beginning. It snuck up on me, and until now I didn't know what I was feeling.

I see a therapist a couple of times a month. I just want to stress the importance of being able to talk to someone other than those close to you. Sometimes when a person talks to people that are regularly involved in their lives, those people tend to take the problems on themselves; try to fix them instead of just listening. I am glad that I have someone else to talk to who can help me figure out the emotions and feelings that I'm having. It helps to know that these are normal feelings and that I'm not weird or something for feeling the way I do.

It is difficult to go through something as traumatic and life changing as I have. I am a happy person and I am accepting of what has happened to me. I do have feelings of loss sometimes, and there are days that they interfere with what my daily routine. I may lose sleep or be depressed at times. The grieving process that I'm going through right now involves those feelings of loss and hopelessness. I know these feelings are normal and through therapy I will be back on track soon. This doesn't mean that I'm not able to function.


Jenni

1 comment:

Greg said...

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