Sunday, November 8, 2009

Personal Ad

For my interpersonal communication class I have to write a personal ad for myself. I've never done one before, so I've been searching the Internet to see what other people have written. I have to say, I found some interesting people out there. I'm seriously considering going on one of those dating websites. Not that I'm really looking for anyone right now, but it would be kind of interesting to see how it works. I've heard of many people meeting on the Internet and actually getting married.

The only thing I'm worried about is if no one responds or tries to contact me. I mean, there aren't many people who would actually seek out a quadriplegic on a ventilator. The statistics for me finding someone who can see past my disability are low. This is one of the things I struggle with the most. The future and what it holds. I'm trying to be optimistic though. I don't really tell a lot of people this, but it's easy to talk to a computer because it doesn't talk back. It's hard to explain these feelings to other people. I'm sure there are other quadriplegics or people with disabilities who feel the same way.



Anonymous said...

hey jenni, u not the only one.. i feel the same way too


Matthew Smith said...

That seems a very odd thing to expect people to write in a college class. Most people go through life without ever having to write a personal ad, because the usual way of finding a partner is through personal contacts and friends, although in communities where arranged marriages are the norm, the use of agencies is more common. (My uncle found his wife through a dating agency, however, and I've used matrimonial sites, without success so far!) I guess it's a way of getting the students to open up and talk about themselves more easily. That's something I find really difficult, actually.

Many years ago in London, there was a radio programme called Midnight Encounters, which was basically a phone-in introductions service. There was one occasion where a woman called up and, when asked what she had to offer her match, panicked and put the phone down. When talking to the next caller came on, the presenter made a reference to "the amoeba I've just been speaking to". That station was notorious for presenters insulting callers (sometimes because of complete misunderstandings) and I have a feeling that this was one reason why they lost their licence (there is only a limited number of licences and companies have to bid for them).

It's probably good that there aren't many who'd seek out someone in your condition, because they wouldn't see you for you (you know the sort I mean) but you should perhaps emphasise that you're well-cared-for already and that you can feel. Many men (and probably women) wouldn't entertain a complete high-level quad (or even a paraplegic who couldn't feel) because they'd want someone who'd get pleasure from being touched and, well, everything else, and might assume that you couldn't. I read a piece by Tiffiny Carlson in which she said that she puts these things on the table at the beginning, because men ask personal questions. Then again, I know of a blind lady who is also a C6 complete quad and has a long-term boyfriend and seems to be considering marrying him; I saw a forum posting by him in which he said he didn't know what to expect but just knew he had fallen head-over-heels in love with his soulmate. A while back I read this story about a quad (also C6, not sure if complete) and her relationship with a guy with muscular dystrophy. They got married a few months ago. But C6 isn't C1, admittedly.

But I've seen many of your pictures and you look like a very attractive and vibrant young woman, and if you speak as pleasantly as you write then you should have less trouble than you think, if you were actually looking.

Cheryl said...

there are internet dating sites specifically for disabled people to meet other disabled people, but i've found geography is more of an issue then with bigger sites.

Matthew Smith said...

With those kinds of sites, though, you might find an awful lot of the wrong sort of people. And not all disabled women necessarily want to meet disabled men, after all - there's practical reasons for this as well, as explained in this article (this is the same Tiffiny Carlson article I mentioned in my last comment; the salient point is on page 2).

Anonymous said...

don't give up on finding someone who can see beyond your difficulties. I met a C-4,-5,-6 quad in April 1983 through a classified ad he placed, looking for a volunteer driver for his van. Four months after the day we met, we were married, and I was the one who proposed!! We were together just over 4 years before he succumbed to respiratory failure.

You have no way of knowing who is out there or what is in your future. Just take it day by day, and never give up your positive attitude or your drive to help others. I admire you so much!!