Being a high quadriplegic takes a lot of strength and effort
for me. My mind is constantly trying to fight with what my body wants to do but
can’t. Loss of mobility has changed how I live life and the way I approach
certain situations. A few of the most important things that I need to keep in
focus are my mind, health, and spirit.
Something that’s difficult is keeping my mind at bay since
it’s the one thing I can control. Since I can’t fidget or just move around when
I am bored, it takes a lot of effort to just sit there and do nothing. For most
people, they may enjoy that “quiet time” or break in their day. For me, it is
difficult to just lay there doing nothing as I’m constantly thinking about
something.
I read a paragraph about “checking in with yourself” online.
It says the “strategy of checking in with yourself is a conscious effort to
understand and acknowledge your current state of being. This strategy can
involve several practices like mindfulness, journaling, or simply taking a
quiet moment to reflect on your feelings and thoughts.”
I found that it was comparable to my situation. I’ve heard
of many quadriplegics who might experience emotional and behavioral problems
after a spinal cord injury. This can include feelings of sadness, anxiety, or
clinical depression. For me, I have experienced all these emotions, and more,
at some point over the last 26 years since becoming paralyzed.
After my mind, well-being is what I try to concentrate on.
It’s not easy balancing everything, including my spinal cord injury. I’m
constantly fighting with what my mind wants to do compared and what my body
wants to do. Most days it’s not the same thing, and it can be frustrating and
exhausting. Not to mention the trying to “not do” everything I want to. That
includes going places, doing as many activities as I want, and being outside
every day.
Over the last few years, I’ve slowed down in what I’ve been
doing day-to-day. Although I feel strong inside, I wear down more easily. I
find I can only be out somewhere for only a couple of hours before I’m
exhausted or my social battery runs out. Often, I feel overstimulated, leading
to stress and anxiety. In rare occasions, I need to remove myself from the
overwhelming environment.
Some common triggers for crowd anxiety include the level of
noise, activity, chaos, or the fear of not being able to leave quickly. This
happened to me this year when I was at the Minnesota State fair. The crowds of
people around me and not being able to find ways to tell others to “move out of
my way” became an issue. I had to go into the bathroom, which had multiple
stalls, but had cool air and less people. On that Sunday, August 22, 2024, it
set a record for the most people being at the fair, at 256,015.
Adjusting to life after becoming paralyzed has been challenging, involving emotional, physical, practical, and psychological feelings. I’ve experienced physical limitations and emotional distress that can make daily activities more challenging than usual. One thing I try not to do is push myself too hard. Even though it’s not easy for me, I have realized over the years that it’s okay to take breaks and give myself time to heal both physically and emotionally.
Jenni
