Happy Holidays

This past week, I’ve been snowed in. I also had to cancel going to ABLE because of the weather. There was a huge blizzard Wednesday and Thursday along with cold temperatures. So, I’ve been hiding inside. The last time I went out when it was this cold, my tubes expanded and started popping off everywhere possible. Plus, since I have a humidifier connected to my ventilator that heats the air I breathe, it leaves moisture in my tubes. If the water drops get too cold, they form icicles!

Merry Christmas to all! Christmas Eve we were supposed to have my sister and her family over for dinner with a meal of prime rib. Although she hadn’t been feeling well for a few days and ended up testing positive for COVID. I felt so bad. Especially because Christmas is a time for gathering. My mom, Sandy, and I ate grilled cheese and tomato soup. A first for Christmas Eve dinner!

Midafternoon on Christmas day Kristen’s boyfriend, Anthony, brought my 2 nieces over to unwrap some presents. Kristen hopped on video using my mom’s echo show and was able to watch. Good thing for technology these days. Later, for dinner we ate lasagna with my other aunt Julie, her husband Pat from Duluth, and my grandma and grandpa. It was a nice weekend visiting family and celebrating Christmas.

Today, I played a couple rounds of yahtzee with my niece (I got her the game for Christmas.) She caught on quickly; I haven’t played in a long time. We did have the meal that we were going to have Christmas Eve, only my sister still wasn’t feeling well. I am hoping she feels better soon, and we can all be together. For now, I plan on going to ABLE this week, since the temperatures are going to be in the 30’s.

I hope all of you had a lovely holiday.

Jenni

Accomplishments

I’m heavily involved in the spinal cord injury world, as my focus is to share information about research going on, resources for information, and creating content for others to learn more about what it’s like as a SCI survivor. Hence the reason why I write blog posts and volunteer so often. As in my last post about becoming an ambassador, I am an advocate for people with SCI and others within the community.

As an ambassador, MSKCT has provided me with a wide range of free, #researchbased resources to help #SCI survivors, family members, and others looking for information, including a toolkit for my position. To learn about the ways #SCI impacts depression, bowel function, sexuality, and more, visit https://msktc.org/sci. You can also learn how to become an ambassador if you visit their website, without adding SCI at the end.

My mom and I recently did a video interview with the Morton Cure Paralysis Fund (MCPF). “In 1995, Peter Morton broke his neck in a bicycle accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down and unable to breathe without a ventilator… Now, twenty six years later, with the help of dedicated donors and volunteers, MCPF has raised over $5 million for cutting-edge research in the United States and around the world.”

Devastated by the tragic accident, friends turned their hurt into hope. With little more than a dream, That All May Walk Again, they launched a small golf tournament in Morton’s hometown to raise funds for spinal cord injury research—and the Morton Cure Paralysis Fund (MCPF) was born.

Lately, they’ve been doing podcasts on all different platforms, interviewing others with SCI and people revolving around. During our video, my mom and I answered questions related to and about our experience after my spinal cord injury. It recently launched on YouTube and their website. You can view it by clicking on this link.

My biggest focus right now is on finishing my memoir for others to read. I’m hoping that it helps people along with sharing my story with others. Since I’ve been writing poetry, it’s been an easy way for me to develop my writing skills. It helps with creating in-depth content, metaphors, images and more. I suppose that’s why I haven’t finished it yet. I have been so into writing poems that I’ve kind of put my memoir aside. It’s difficult to not write poems, since I subscribe to the website.

Jenni

A Way to Fill My Cup

 If you know me, you’d know that I love helping others. This includes, but is not limited to motivational speaking, sharing my story with others, volunteering, etc. The Pandemic put a real damper on my situation as a quadriplegic paralyzed from the neck down. Aside from my spinal cord injury, the “stay-at-home” order was one of the most difficult times in my life and had a profound effect on me.

I know for a fact I’m not the only one. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), “Plenty of us became more anxious; but for some COVID-19 has sparked or amplified much more serious mental health problems. A great number of people have reported psychological distress and symptoms of depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress.” 

I tried everything to make myself useful in a time when all I was able to do to connect with others was on my computer, video or over the phone. That’s when I decided to find ways to help people through the web. I searched many different places but didn’t really find anything that suited my capabilities. Other than being able to blog, write poetry, and work on my memoir, it’s been difficult these past couple of years. Even now that the order has lifted, I haven’t reconnected with friends or gone out many places.

Recently, I was on the web searching again for different things to do relating to spinal cord injuries. I came across this website called Model Systems Knowledge Translation Center (otherwise known as MSKTC). Within their website, were various amounts of information for people with SCI’s, TBI’s, and Burns. After reading some of the information, I was floored at how much knowledge and help they had for people in my situation and alike. 

I also saw that I could become a “SCI Ambassador” to help people with spinal cord injuries. I had to fill out some information about myself and complete an application. This was exactly the type of thing I was interested in doing. As stated on their website, below is a more in-depth description of what they’re looking for:

“Are you passionate about helping people living with spinal cord injury (SCI) and their families? This could be the perfect role for you! The goal of the Model Systems Knowledge Translation Center (MSKTC) Ambassadors Program is to inform, empower, and help individuals with SCI live well. We are looking for people living with SCI, their families, and those who support them to serve as ambassadors. MSKTC ambassadors will actively promote and share free, evidence-based resources from the MSTKC to help people with SCI live well when interacting with MSKTC's audience and the wider SCI community.”

After reading this, I applied for the position immediately. Then I set up a Zoom visit with them. My main mission is informing others about how they can help others by using their resources. It’s great that I have platforms (including my blog and help of others) to spread the word about MSKTC and all the help they can provide for people in need. If you browse through their website, there are many “user-friendly resources… available in a variety of formats such as printable PDF documents, videos, and slideshows.”

I hope you can check out their website for information to not only use as a resource for yourself, but pass on to your friends, family, or others in need. An easy way is by sharing this blog post or their website by clicking on their website address: https://msktc.org/

Jenni

If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me or contact MSKTC for more info.

Two Decades

After any change in life, there is an adjustment period. It’s how we adapt or become used to the changes that occurred. Without a doubt, experiencing a spinal cord injury is a challenging and new situation. When it happens, adjusting to living with SCI, can be hard; especially when trying to put your life back in order. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it although continuing to alter changes in life can be similar.

Going home is a major step in adjusting to life after SCI. It can be exciting to get back to the comforts of home. It can also be scary if you are unsure of what to expect once you get there. Having to get used to a “new normal” daily routine takes time. In my situation, I had to learn what it’s like to have others take care of me (not having as much independence as before.) 

I often say “it feels like I’m doing things for the first time” as I learn how to do activities differently. That feeling has faded as I worked through problems and figured out the best way to manage my daily routines. Despite experiencing a mix of emotions, I try to keep my mind occupied since I’m no longer able to physically do things.

It’s been two decades since the car accident that forever changed my future took place. I know I’ve written on my blog about positivity and hope, some of the very feelings I needed to thrive. Although at the time, I was very uncertain as to what the future would hold for me. Thankfully, I had friends and family supporting me, helping along the way. 

I chose a life of happiness, not wanting to live my life with immense sadness, anger, or depression. I can’t speak for others who experience traumatic events. Only how my life played out and thereafter. I feel very fortunate to have people by my side, helping me throughout the way. Although, there were moments after in which I had to take time to heal my emotional equilibrium.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how challenging or difficult it is. I’ve always felt that there was a reason why I survived. Maybe it was to help people in my situation or open someone’s eyes to what it’s like living with a disability. Sharing my story with others, whether it be using my blog or motivational speaking can be a way to express my feelings. 

Whatever it may be, I’m glad that I did. Life is short, so I try to do the best I can at living it to the fullest. Don’t take things for granted, you never know what can happen.

Jenni

Newest poems:

Living Life

Striking my inner being

like lightning bolts

times of a troublesome past

paralyzed body no longer breathing

trying to heal from the inside out

realizing life is worth living

Stress in Life

Nerves press firmly against my cortex as

boiling blood gushes through my veins

clouding my judgment,

clogging paths to relief

Frontal lobes on fire

my eyes water with fury

twisting and turning thoughts

scrambling my brain leaving it to rot

Struggling to maintain composure

bumps in the road create challenges and obstacles

stress of becoming paralyzed leaves emotional scars

slowly emptying all that’s left within me

Question everything that’s happened

How? Why? What now?

the day is ending

pain explodes beyond measure

Courage finally intervenes

willingness to survive has arrived

despite past feelings of doubt

my mind finally is free

What have I been up to?

Hello everyone!

I have lots to share. The biggest news is that I got my cast off my leg last week. I went in and my orthopedic doctor took my fourth cast off, then I got an x-ray. She said that it’s healed enough that if I was walking, she would recommend me to start bearing weight on it. Hopefully nothing else will happen to it or any other of my bones that would cause setback at ABLE. I’m going back in about a month to get another x-ray to see how it’s healing.

If you’re reading this and are not from Minnesota, the weather here has been cold for October. It’s supposed to be fall, although it was so cold this past week that it snowed. Good thing it only lasted the morning and then warmed up during the middle of the day for it to melt. I wasn’t taking Brody out much because of the weather and the cold, except for today.

I’m still perfecting my poetry writing (thus the reason why I haven’t blogged much lately.) I also haven’t written much for my book. I believe the imagery and metaphors I’m using will help in my book. My mom and I did an interview today for the Morton Cure Paralysis Fund and it will be a YouTube video coming soon. In my last post, I shared their first video. I’ll post the link on my blog when it becomes available.

I’m hoping to write more blog posts about other things than just updates about me. 

Jenni

Here are a few more poems I’ve written:

Hiding Behind the Clouds

Two clouds pass another on a wisp of wind

revealing a ball of fire showcasing its rays

casting shadows on the earth below its plain

Moving swiftly, beautiful, and bright

diverging left then right without a word said

peeking into different lives from far away

Unlocking the key to an ancient mystery

accessing countless times of troubled pasts

sifting through a treasure trove of memories

Holding visions while trusting processes

powered by motivation to seek answers

the two clouds produce inspiration from above

A Scene from Heaven

Numerous colors paint the forests’ floor,

as hummingbirds flutter in the distance

and frogs croak on sunlit lily pads

warm breezes wander between flowers

Wind whizzes around dark tree trunks

shadows appear amongst overhanging limbs

between the kiss of falling leaves

glimpses of patchy sky seen breaks through

The vibrant trees stick to their boundaries

casting show stopping colors on the flowing river

that rumbles through the path it’s created

picking up every evidence of being there

If October never existed

No days so still, so kindly sincere

such reverential quietness in the air

Voices so crisp with integrity

Leaves switch to yellow, orange, and red

Gold in its pocket full of recollections

reminding me of ambient occurrences

Times so pleasant as a fine October

if it never existed, I wouldn’t be alive

as my birthday lands on the 19th

When the light is sweet and heavy

permanence takes its bitter shape

folding amongst natures hugs

SCI Video

"It's here! The Morton Cure Paralysis Fund is happy to present Spinal Cast, Episode 1 featuring Dr. Ann Parr discussing the amazing spinal cord injury research taking place in her lab. Click below to watch it on YouTube or search for Spinal Cast on your favorite podcast platform."

YouTube video

I received this in an email from The Morton Cure Paralysis. It's very interesting how they talk about Spinal Cord Injury patients, research, and implantation of the device. It's about 20 minutes long, but is worth listening to.

Jenni

Another Update

I’m still recovering from my spiral fracture on my right leg. I have gone to the orthopedic doctor three times so far since it happened. The first appointment was an x-ray and to put my cast on, then they wanted me to return in two weeks. The second one they cut my cast off, took an x-ray and said it needed a few more weeks. So, they put another cast on and wanted me to come back in three weeks. When I did, they took my cast off and took another x-ray, and determined it hadn’t healed at all from when I first fractured it. 

They put a cast on again and told me to come back in another 3 ½ weeks. It’s been a little over a week since then, so I’m not sure what to think when the next appointment comes around. Hopefully it’s healed at least some, because the next option is to put pins in to hold it together, so it heals faster. I’m not looking forward to that, if that’s the case. I’ve been modifying ABLE avoiding exercises that use my legs.

I also have been using a lift to get me out and back in my chair instead of manual transfers. When I first started, and they told me they were going to do a manual transfer, I was scared. I’d never transferred that way before I have only used a lift. It was going good until my last two injuries on my legs (bursitis in my right knee, and the spiral fracture I’m still healing from.) Using a lift does take longer than manual transfers, although it’s a safety route.

I’m praying for no more injuries! Other than ABLE, I’ve been getting outside as much as possible. Unfortunately, Brody isn’t feeling all that great. He wasn’t eating well for a few days and wouldn’t let anyone get close to his mouth. He went into the vet to get his teeth looked at. They said he has a lot of tartar, gingivitis, a loose tooth, cracked teeth etc. So, because of his bad teeth. In September going to have surgery and have multiple teeth pulled along with a deep clean. We’ve now been soaking his food in water, and he’s been loving that.

Now when I take him out for walks, he doesn’t like to walk the whole way. When he stops going and just looks at me, I put him on my lap. He lays down and then I go as far as I want! Although, the temperature outside has been quite warm and humid lately. It’s hard to go too far and I try to stick to the shade, so I don’t get to warm. That’s one thing that’s difficult about being a quad; when it’s cold I’m cold and when it’s hot I’m hot. 

Since we are approaching August, usually temperature in Minnesota only gets warmer. My favorite time of year is fall, not just because of the weather being cooler, but the leaf color changes are nice to look at. My sister and niece, Avery have birthdays this month. I always look forward to buying things for other people, especially for holidays.

As I said before, I've been on a binge of writing poems. I write one almost every day, mostly for contests on the site: All Poetry you can check out all the poems I've written by clicking on the link before this. Although others I've just posted for people to read. I thought I would share more of what I've written within the past couple months. 

Feelings of Hope

Letting my emotions flow within my veins, 

like water seeping through cracks in wood.

Enlightening me to share my sense of calm

with others until dawn meets the horizon.

Silence echoes across open land in sight,

while my mind reaches a height of stillness.

Beneath my feet feeling single grains of sand

navigating their way through open valleys.

The wind finally rests as thoughts of healing

begin to enter the realm surrounding my being.

Change

Within a moments time, 

my body changed like a 

caterpillar transforming

into a striking butterfly.

Life throws curveballs

letting me know how much

it can push itself, until

my breaking point. For the

instances that I am lonely

are far too many to count.

There are times in my past

where I felt like giving up,

because it’s easier than dealing

with being paralyzed from the 

neck down, on a ventilator.

Like a puzzle, I just pick up

pieces of my broken body,

slowly putting them back

together. Realizing that my time

here on earth is worth living

to its fullest. Despite my troubles

where I’ve slipped and fell, the 

path to my destination is clear.

My spirit flickers a faint light,

like a candle in a slight wind.

Since my near-death experience,

I now realize that the loneliness

within my mind has dwindled.

Changing pages has given 

me a chance to gain confidence,

preserving a future to survive.

By stepping out from behind the

shadows, I grant myself permission

to share my story with others.

Breathe In

Within two decades of moments lies dangerous

thoughts of reacting to a future unknown

Emotional insides twist with anticipation as feelings

inside my paralyzed body seize on-demand

Affecting my ability to move amongst beings

as every effort beyond has a cause with no feeling

Showing loneliness upon difficult times of struggle

like being on a ship with no lifeboat aboard

In spite unimaginable living in shadows of pain

stricken underneath me like light turning to dark

I now realize my past hatred of a time troubled accident

has dissipated into the air I breathe through my vent

Reminding me of myself despite my tight grasp

binding down at this moment however looking afar

What I’ve now become although whom I will be later

surrounding happiness above distant thunder clouds

Springtime Wonders

Blue sky shows above as the rays of sun shines on my face 

feelings of glow as the wind whispers in my ear ever 

flowing through the trees as the next season appears

all around as soothing scents of lilacs, hyacinths, and daffodils

start to grow in the ground and buds began showing

it is as if the world is telling me to be silent 

while the red cardinals flyby singing to each other 

with their sweet sounds of whistles flow amongst

my shoulders become relaxed as I feel a sense of calm

through the change of seasons while white winter wonderland

begins slowly disappearing as the temperature raises 

melting the snow away beginning to showcase spring 

blades of grass poking through the old crackled dried up

dead brown leaves laying in a bed below from last fall 

all seasons showing their stories right in front of my blue eyes 

the smell of petrichor produced by wet rocks after

raindrops fizzing as they splashed down caring an aroma

fills the air which makes me sneeze because of allergies 

although the light breeze slowly floats through leading it away 

while new spotted white fawns begin to show themselves 

their mothers protecting them when strangers come near 

showing them the ways around how their life is supposed to be 

while dad with pointed racks of antlers watches for predators 

that come near as the snow-covered water frozen from 

low temperatures, starts to melt opening-up as water begins

flowing making space for green mallards and geese finding 

their mates, other animals able to drink swiftly as the sun gets higher 

opening sky as its warming the nature in every corner 

the crickets make their calling, the bees start buzzing 

the black spotted red ladybugs land on my arm tickling me

Could it be an injury again?

 Although I’ve only done about a post a month this year, pretty much every one of them has been about some sort of injury. Last Friday while at ABLE, I injured my right leg. It was during a transfer from the mat back to my wheelchair. Both therapists and I heard a “pop”. One of them thought it was just my hip, so I continued the rest of my session doing exercises in my chair.

That evening, night and next day, my leg along with knee started swelling up. It’s even more so than the effusion I had obtained over a month ago because it still hasn’t healed completely. Since I have some feeling, I could tell it was hurting along with how my body was reacting. My leg was spasming frequently and I was getting goosebumps (a sign of autonomic dysreflexia.)

I debated on whether to go to the orthopedic urgent care on Saturday, but decided against it on a weekend, since I didn’t know how long the wait time would be. We didn’t have a nurse Monday, so I went yesterday (Tuesday.) The wait time was about 1 ½ hours, which isn’t bad for an urgent care. After finally getting into a room, a doctor came in.

Based on everything that was going on, from there I went to get a couple of x-rays. When I got back into the room, he looked at them. He noticed a fracture, but thought it was from my old one of my tibia a couple years ago. Although to be sure, the Dr. had a radiologist look at it, and he determined that it was a new one. He was just going to put me in just a boot, but ultimately decided to cast it because it would be less likely to move around inside.

Even though there was an array of different colors, I chose a lighter blue (my favorite color.) The cast will be on for two weeks, then I will go back to the same place and get it taken off. That’s when they will give me a boot for the rest of the healing phase. I’m not sure how long that will be on, but I’m guessing just another couple of weeks or so.

Since starting ABLE, this is my third injury on my legs. Once this heals, I’m not certain on what my plans are going forward. I would hate to have to stop going. My favorite days have always been going there, and I’m always bummed when I can’t go. I’ve gotten so much stronger with function, strength, movement, and overall stamina. It’s been a big mood boost and raised my confidence level within myself.

I’m hoping I can go back at some point, although I don’t want any other injuries to happen. We would need to create a whole new routine, altering what I’ve been doing currently. Which would be unfortunate given what I’ve gained so far and how good it’s been for me. Once everything is healed, I will know more on what to do going forward.

Other than that, I’ve kind of put my book aside and been focusing more on writing poetry. By learning how to write proper poem styles, it’s really helped broaden my writing style. Also, I’ve learned how to “show not tell” when it comes to writing. This in turn is a great background have, particularly when writing my memoir. Despite the slight delay, it’s good to do different things, especially if it’s going to help long-term.

I have been getting outside as much as I can, but lately the weather has been hot and rainy. It’s only going get warmer within the next couple of months. Also, I’ve been going more places since COVID has died down a little. The problem is finding places to go. Since I don’t work, I mainly do stuff on my computer (which includes shopping online.)

I posted some pictures below of my fracture and cast. I’ll try to write more posts, not just updates.

You can clearly see the fracture going diagonally across the right side

Jenni

My Knee… Again

Madi and Brody

So… I injured my right knee again. This time, it’s my actual knee that is twice the size as usual. I got an x-ray Monday and saw the orthopedic surgeon earlier today. Based off the results, my primary doctor said “there are no new fractures, although there is a new moderate knee joint effusion. There is a fair amount of fluid around the knee.” He highly recommended that I go to the orthopedic urgent care yesterday to get it evaluated.

Although, since there was no fracture, just fluid, it means that I probably injured it somehow or something to that extent. I decided to make an appointment to see the orthopedic surgeon today instead of waiting all day in urgent care. It would be first come, first served basis so I wouldn’t know how long I would be waiting there. It would all depend on the other people and their injuries who came in.

I think it happened on Friday during ABLE. I’m not sure exactly; could have been during a transfer or an exercise I was doing. Even though I have limited feeling, my knee started hurting that night. That’s also when the swelling started. Also, when there is a pain somewhere within my body, it reacts by muscle spasms in that area or location.

Before I got the results from the x-ray, I thought I had fractured or broken something. I thought the size of my knee was just fluid and a little swelling. The whole weekend I was alternating between ibuprofen and Tylenol along with icing it every hour or two for 15 or 20 minutes. I googled “how to keep swelling down in knee” and this was the result it told me to do. My nurses working also said it would help.

My appointment was at 2 PM, I used transportation to get to my appointment, and I got there about ½ an hour early. I waited, and they didn’t call me to a room until 2:15 PM. My ride was set up for 3 PM and the doctor came around 10 to 3. I was worried I wouldn’t make it before that time, but it literally only took 10 minutes for the doctor to explain what happened and what to do about it.

To sum it up, he said that the fluid would simply “go away and heal itself” within 3 to 4 weeks. He also said that I could do “mild range of motion on my right leg, depending upon how it feels.” Also, according to him, “I can go back to ABLE within a week or two depending on how it’s healing.” This was all great news to me, but I wish it could’ve been over video and instead of waiting so long.

Before COVID, appointments were strictly visit only. Now a lot of them are either over the phone or video, depending. I like that I have the option to choose, for convenience of course! These days it’s a little bit harder to get out of the house for something they can easily be done at home.

Writing my book and poems is still consuming a lot of my time. I was wondering, would anybody be willing to be interviewed for it? I’m looking for prospective along with stories and dialogue. Just email me at jtic20@gmail.com.

Jenni

An Update of My Updates

Last week I went into the pain clinic to get the nerve block I talked about a couple of posts ago. They went ahead and just did the nerve block. It was a mixture of lidocaine and some other medicine. The doctor told me that if this helps with the pain, it can provide relief for up to six months or a year or not at all. It can be repeated every six months.

If it doesn’t help at all, the next step would be a procedure called a nerve ablation. It’s kind of like the nerve block, only the block just deadens the nerve endings. With an ablation of the knee “Genicular nerve ablation uses radiofrequency energy to deactivate the nerves that send the constant pain signals to your knee and surrounding structures.” 

If I do this treatment it uses no medication and is performed completely outside your knee under precise image guidance. Most people achieve relief after the first week and take full effect after 3 to 4 weeks. For many patients, it’s effective in relieving the pain. It is possible that the nerve will regrow, although the procedure can be repeated if needed.

After the did the nerve block, it stopped hurting after a day or two. So far, it’s working, and I haven’t had to wear my knee brace sentence. I’m hoping that the nerve block lasts for a long time, so I don’t have to worry about doing the nerve ablation. Although at least there’s a second option afterwards just in case.

I have still been working on my book and writing poems. I’ve been very inspired, and write something, even if it’s just a sentence or paragraph every day. I’m hoping to include most of my poems in my book for others to read. A lot of them tie in nicely with what I’m writing, although some don’t. I’m not quite sure how long it will take me to finish. I still need to fill in each chapter with more stories and feelings.

Although, my goal is to be done with writing it by the end of this year. Then I need to work on publishing and selling. I can’t wait for everyone to read it. So far, it’s one of my greatest accomplishments since my accident. The other ones are surviving, graduating high school, college, and being crowned Ms. wheelchair Minnesota 2011.

Also, since spring started, every day has been different. Between snow, rain, and sun, I’ve been able to make it outside when I get a chance. I love being outdoors; it’s better than being stuck inside not knowing what to do. Brody loves it too! I can’t believe he’s 10 now and still thriving. Despite some arthritis, he still loves his walk and rolls.

Jenni

Patchwork Quilt

In real time my life is like a homemade quilt

organized then sewn using leftover scraps carefully cut

Stitched together to tell a story of an event or moment,

that’s important; the devastating loss turned to hope

The matters in which this patchwork is created

with smaller pieces crafting a whole symbolizes

connection of voices, womanhood, and sense of history

My body prudently put back together after a

life altering car accident paralyzing my limbs

Although when stitched together with love

even the rough patches and mistakes can be warming

Writing and Poems

I’ve been creating some new poems lately. There’s a website I came across called All Poetry. It’s kind of like Instagram, only except posting photos and videos, you post your poetry. Then you can like and comment on people’s poems. You can also follow people and on your homepage other people’s poems pop up.

Even though I’m on Instagram, I don’t look at it often. In fact, I guess I don’t really go on Facebook that much either. But I am really interested in this poetry website, as I find the poems to be very creative. Some are inspiring, deep, or about people’s lives. In the last couple days, I have created four new poems. I posted them below.

I think the combination of writing my memoir, thinking about writing a blog post, and the website has gotten my creative juices flowing. Also, I have a lot of ideas in my mind right now about things going on, my accident, and myself. It makes me feel good to write, whether it’s for fun or for something specific. I also just love writing in general.

I suppose that’s why I’m so excited to get my book finished. Not just for others to read it, but for that sense of accomplishment. Since I don’t work, I spend my days working on my computer, going outside, playing board games, listening to audiobooks, organizing etc. I keep myself busy, although it does feel good when I finish something that I have been working on.

Jenni

A Night of Terror, a Life of Gratitude

It happened in an instant, a sudden car accident that only takes seconds but lasts a lifetime. Going 60 mph on an off ramp, single car rollover, landing back on all four wheels. No memory of it; no hearing twists, blows or shocks my body endured before, during, or right after. Witnesses behind come to our rescue, not knowing what to expect. Fire truck siren blaring, ambulance whaling, police car yelping, helicopter blades whooshing coming to take me away. Kept highly sedated, not knowing what happened until a week afterwards. Sustaining a C1 C2 spinal cord injury, paralyzed from the neck down, ventilator breathing for me. Throughout my journey, finding what’s most important in life, realizing things happen for a reason.

Timeless War

Reality in life

Can be of strife

It pains to say

That things are this way

Struggles throughout

Have many in doubt

Soldiers marching along

While remaining strong

Nothing appears as it seems

Only in our dreams

It may be safe inside

Looking beyond many have cried

Despite that feeling

We are healing

As things move through

Loss is few

No Silence

In my life there is no silence. Even when I am the only person in the room, there's always a constant flow of noise inserting into my ears, getting trapped inside my head. A whoosh of air going in and out, in and out; it is an everlasting hum that can be heard throughout the house. My ventilator breathes for me. Requiring electricity to run, it is an energy sucking, life-saving machine that never stops going. Power is essential. Electrical currents flow out of the outlet, up through the thick gray cord and into the machine. In and out, in and out; filling my lungs with air; oxygen running through my body; giving me life. It is a process that never stops, never sleeps and is never quiet. In my life there is no silence.

My Lifeline

My lungs are expanding, in out, in out

I feel my chest rise and fall

I am one with the vent

It's breathing for me

The sound is like an airplane flying ahead

Colored lights flash across the surface

Attached to me always

It flows through me like wind through trees

My Knees

After wearing my knee brace for about four months, it felt better every day. Although I decided to get an MRI on it to make sure everything’s better in my knee. I ended up doing both knees because there’s a bone sticking out under of my right knee the outside. Based on results, my orthopedic doctor told me that my left knee is completely healed despite that it still is painful on the side of my kneecap.

As far as my right, the bone that sticks out is just the way my fractured tibia healed. That was in 2019 and what ultimately brought me into the orthopedic surgeon, when I got my first MRI of both my legs. He said that my pain I am feeling on my left leg is possibly nerve pain. I’m going to schedule an appointment with a doctor in a pain clinic that specializes in a procedure called nerve blocking.

First, they inject the injured area with lidocaine to see if that takes the pain away. If it does, then they inject it with something that blocks the nerve (basically deadening all nerves in that area) to decrease or take away all pain. I’m hoping that this will be the answer I’m looking for to stop all pain. Right now it mostly hurts when being touched which is better than before.

I stopped wearing my knee brace during the day only on ABLE days to prevent any further injury. I can’t wait to see if the procedure works. Even though I am grateful that I can feel, I’m tired of the pain I have throughout a daily basis. I will keep you updated on how the process is going and if anything helps relieve my pain. It’s interesting that I’m writing about this because I’m almost finished with a chapter in my book related to physical therapy, movement, feeling and pain.

Jenni

Working on My Memoir

I'm sure some people know but not all, but I'm in the middle of writing a memoir starting from my accident until now, with some parts that happened in the past. In order to focus fully on writing, I've been putting off my blog (which I think is reasonable since I have so much writing to do.) I have about 18 or 19 chapters so far but still have to fill them with more content.

I was wondering if any of you had any stories or things to share that I could put in it, because I don't have the greatest memory of everything that aspired either right after or throughout then until now. If you have any suggestions or can offer something to put in it, either comment below or even send me a private message on messenger. Also, if I do end up using a story that has someone's name in it, I would need your permission to do so, otherwise I could change the name to something different. Please let me know if you have anything.

Thanks,

Jenni

Opening of the New Year

Happy new year everyone! I hope you had a good holiday and New Year’s. Seems like 2022 is already going by fast, with already a week into it. I know the last two posts along with this have just been updates. Since I’ve been working on my book, my days spent on my computer have mostly been writing. Although I feel like I have gotten a significant amount of it finished. It just needs organization and structure.

Here’s a little taste of part of a chapter in my book:

    After such a life altering situation, there is a grieving process. As I lost my independence, movement, and personal space after my accident, I realized that to move forward I needed to fully process what happened to me. If I shifted my thinking right away and accepted that my situation was indeed happening. If only I thought to myself, “Even though it’s not the most ideal place to be in, but it's happening.” I believe I was tempted into putting off dealing with the unknown or just pretending that it didn’t exist.

    Over the years, I’ve set numerous goals for myself. They helped me move past painful memories and situations in which are difficult to handle. Going through the different stages afterwards proved to be a process. It was a testament of my faith and own self-healing process. Finding my own path in life, I would realize that things aren’t always how they seem. 

    Our beginning milestones in life are rolling over, crawling, walking, and talking. There are many that we face throughout life like graduating, getting married and working a new job, that we don’t count but are easily important. For me, I began gaining self-awareness, surviving disappointment, and learning a new perspective.

    I was flooded with a vast of new emotions like feelings of loss in the early days following my injury. Like many people, I was stuck wondering “how could such a terrible thing happened to ME?” I started to become paralyzed with fear for what I had underwent and lost in the beginning. To get to the accepting stage, it took not only my mom, but others around me and myself to be able to overcome obstacles that would my way.

    There is an average amount who suffer spinal cord injuries who survive past the first 24 hours. It is often unpredictable what the journey to recovery is like, but it is usually long. Some sufferers of SCI’s simply accept what happened to them right away and for others it may take days, months or even years. The feelings of people who endure grief is widespread across all planes. I realize that there were times when I went through a grieving process of losing my independence and the loss of movement/feeling.

Jenni